We've all spent recess chasing the boys around the picnic tables, but what about when that chase becomes an unending one? What about when we begin to chase boys rather than our success, fruitful friendships with other girls, or finding our own confidence within ourselves? What about when the innocent chase develops into one with lasting consequences? When being boy crazy get a little too crazy, remember whom you are and who you are meant to be?
Britney Spears described it perfectly singing,
“Tell me, you’re so into me
That I’m the only one you will see.
Tell me, I’m not in the blue,
That I’m not wasting’ my feelings on you.
…
You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep
I’m so excited I’m in too deep.
Crazy, But it feels alright.
Baby thinkin’ of you keeps me up all night.”
When it becomes more than just a phase. When years that were spent identifying ourselves with who we were dating, developed into teenagers who did not know who they were without a boy on their arms. When we just need to know that we are the only one they will see. When we are in too deep, and losing sleep. When our dreams become less important than their attention. When our self-respect becomes minute compared to their approval. When their friendships become the only ones we care about. I’ve been there. We have all been there, and looking back, here are some things I know now, that I wish I knew then.
From boy “friendships” that we are way too invested in, to downtown attention-desperate drunkenness, it is more evident than ever that this chase is continuing well into our college years. It could be constantly visiting boy neighbors on dorm halls, attending frat parties dressed in tight, short dresses, it is all more or less an excuse to have a guy flirt with you or gain their attention. We believe that if we hold their attention for just a few minutes, maybe we will feel more beautiful, confident, and appreciated. If we are rising from the woman stereotypes of the past, why then are we stuck trying to get guys to notice us. Why do we care so much if they walk past us without mentioning our outfits? Why do we long so much for their gazes? Why do they hold our perspective of ourselves in their hands?
So many of us look back on our middle school and early high school relationships with contempt. Some lasted only minutes, and others ended in handwritten break-up letters. Relationships were confused with friendships, and love felt more like an emotion than a commitment. In those days, it was easy to feel so confident walking down the hallways hand in hand with a new guy. Each time reaching a little higher, we pushed the limits to see which guys were within our grasps, and which were "out of our league."
When we get caught up in the chase and the boy crazy gets a little too crazy, here are some way to remind yourself of who you are and who you are becoming, regardless of the guy on your arm.
Go on a girls trip
These girls are the ones that our momma’s prayed for. They are the ones who will invest in our futures, pour into us, and appreciate us for who we are. They don’t want something from us, nor do we from them. These are the relationships that will matter long after graduation. They are the phone calls we will make at 3 a.m. when we cannot get our babies to sleep, or when an argument with our husbands leave us feeling alone and confused. They are the relationships that our boyfriend will approve of, and the friends’ whose approval of our boyfriends will make all the difference. Take a trip reminding you of how lucky you are to have them. Remind yourself why their friendships’ are the ones worth investing in.
Spend a day make-up free
Constantly putting so much effort in the image you have can drain us of our confidence in our natural beauty. The beauty in our personalities, dreams and aspiration, and the beauty that cannot be bought in a store or ordered from Mary Kay. It helps us appreciate who we are, without the need for approval of others.
Spend time with your family
No one knows you better than your family. They know your weaknesses, your strengths, and everything about you in between. The best part about family is that they love you through it all. The men in your life, like a dad, older brother, and even grandfather, can be an example for you of a functioning male relationship. Study these relationships and see what a healthy friendship looks like. Learn the way a man should give a woman attention through watching parents and grandparents. Familial relationships will also last long after graduation, so invest in these while you can!
Make lists
Make a list of all your dreams. Make one for all the things you want to accomplish in college. Make a list of things that you are and want to be. Make a list of things that you aren’t and refuse to sacrifice. Hang these up where you can see them everyday. A quick glance at these will renew your confidence, remind you of the important things in life, and keep you focused on things of importance
The boy crazy phase has become a lifestyle, and lifestyles are hard to change. But, we know we are so much more than what they can see. We know that our intelligence, personality, ambition, hope, and strength make us who we are, so when are we going to place our identities in what we know rather than what they see.
Because here's the deal, no boy can become a bridesmaid, no man looking for marriage finds it in a girl desperate for every man's attention, and no husband wants his wife to go hang with her guy friends.
We can pretend all we want but this way of living leads to nowhere but defeat. Until we are confident in the women we are, and the way we are made, no boy can bring us satisfaction. No matter how hard we search, we will never find who we are in the way they look at us, or the things they say.
From woman to woman, here’s my opinion:
This chase has caused heartbreak everywhere. It is Taylor's tear drops on her guitar, and all she thinks about at night. It's Selena Gomez not being alive until he calls, and her betting the odds against it all. It's Avril Lavigne singing, "I can hardly breath I need to feel you here with me." They all have gotten caught up in the chase. They all got it wrong, but the Bible never does.
Proverbs 31 states,
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies..
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
