I'm not feeling like myself, I'm anxious and angry and sad all at the same time and I don't even know why. I have thoughts about everyone hating me, I have no friends, my family doesn't even like me. Irrational thoughts just keep circulating in my mind and I'm about to break down. My brother accidently gets chocolate frosting on my new sweater and that is what pushed me over. I instantly felt like everything was going wrong, like really what could be worse than what was happening right at that moment. Instead of being laid back and shrugging it off I start to become angry at myself. Angry that I'm acting like it's the end of the world, which in turn leads to crying because I'm being crazy again and I can't stop it.
Anxiety. It takes grip of your emotions and makes you believe you should be on high alert because whatever is going to happen that day is going to be bad. You have to be on the lookout for what could go wrong. And even if things go right, there is something right around the corner that's going to go wrong. What I find so interesting is that this is just the type of anxiety that I experience. Other people with anxiety have completely different experiences. Feeling anxious is one thing, feeling like you think you're dying is another thing.
I'm happy to say that I haven't had a full blown anxiety attack since August. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I just cried and cried on the kitchen floor for close to half an hour. I don't even remember why I was having an attack. I was upset over nothing. And that's what anxiety is. Anxiety is the feeling that you're not okay even though you are. It's irrational, but in the moment it doesn't feel like it.
Don't judge people who talk about their anxiety. Don't tell them to just be happy about life. Trust me, I am happy about life; in fact I love life. I'm not ashamed. I'm not going to stop talking about it, and I'm definitely not going to stop educating people who don't understand. I know it's hard to understand and I know some people just don't want to, but it's important to me. It should be important to you too.
