I have lived with obsessive compulsive disorder for much of my life. It first presented itself when I was a child, with constant fits of crying and discomfort with the smallest things. Doctors just told my parents I was simply a more “sensitive child.” It was not until sixth grade, when my disorder presented itself in the form of extreme hand-washing and irritation at the slightest inconveniences, that my parents realized something was wrong. I knew something was up as well, but I felt embarrassed to say so; this incessant hand washing and feeling of contamination had made me confused and upset. But when I finally learned that it was not just me, but something much bigger, I found relief. I saw a psychiatrist and everything began to feel better. But as I grew and my brain developed more, I noticed my disorder did as well. I became clinically depressed, I was embarrassed again and I hid away from everyone as the feelings of anxiety and the hurtful thoughts became too much again. I felt extremely lost and alone. But in that time I educated myself with the help of my doctor, and what came of it was the knowledge to help, not only myself, but others who silently suffer from this horrendous disorder.

OCD, once classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a generalized anxiety disorder, is now a standalone category of mental illness, for it has very distinct characteristics. And while many think that OCD is simply the need to remain clean and organized, psychiatrists and psychologist are finding just how complex of a disorder it is. In the DSM-IV, OCD is defined as being “… characterized by obsessions (which cause marked anxiety or distress) and/or by compulsions (which serve to neutralize anxiety).” Obsessions, or “persistent ideas, thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced as intrusive and… that cause marked anxiety or distress,” can be any number of things. The most common are contamination, repeated doubts, a need to order certain things in a particular way, and thoughts of aggression or harm (directed at others or oneself). The most important thing to remember about each of these obsessions is that they are unwanted, involuntary and repetitious. And they present themselves differently for everyone.

While one person may neutralize the anxiety in a physical way, others may do constant mental checking. This takes up much time and the anxiety is neutralized only temporarily; and it always comes back stronger. The more you fight it, the more nerve-wracking and difficult it becomes to shake the thoughts from your head. And what’s worse, many people with OCD understand that their thoughts and compulsions are senseless and unnecessary, but the unwanted images are impossible to keep out and thus the compulsion and attempts to relieve the anxiety continue. This not only takes copious amounts of time away from the victim of these obsessions, but may even cause them to stop taking care of themselves as they are spending so much time trying to keep from going crazy. They may also take extreme measures to avoid anything that could trigger an obsessive thought.

Furthermore, what makes OCD so horrifying, besides the fact that it is involuntary, is that it can lead to numerous other disorders including depression. Not to mention, one of the most used forms of treatment (besides medication) is exposure-response prevention therapy in which the patient is exposed to their obsession and they must not fight the thought or idea and they cannot act out a compulsion. Essentially, you must sit and bear the anxiety until it passes. OCD can also easily be misdiagnosed. Often, if patients experience only the repeated anxiety provoking thoughts, it can be diagnosed as a generalized anxiety disorder, which could lead down the wrong treatment path and ultimately make the patient suffer for longer than necessary.

Though everything related to OCD seems extremely frightening and mentally and physically painful, there is much hope for patients as more and more time and research is being put into this disorder. There was a time where OCD controlled me; I could not eat or sleep and avoided all my friends. I walked around feeling as if I was drowning and not knowing if this senselessness, these intrusive thoughts, the crippling anxiety was something I would have to just live with or if there was a reason for it. I was ashamed of myself for letting these thoughts in. But today, I am on my way to being myself again. It has been a long road but I finally feel in control again, and I have never been better. If you know someone with OCD be patient and be understanding. They are fighting a difficult battle.

Don’t leave OCD, or any mental issue untreated. Asking for help is difficult, but you are worth more than a disorder.

For more information, visit: http://www.psychiatry.org/ and https://iocdf.org/ .