A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine turned to me and said, "Aubrey, it's interesting how quiet you are around almost everyone besides us and your friends in Ireland. Why do you think that is?"

I won't lie, I knew the answer instantly, but hesitated while trying to explain it. I told him that being quiet around a majority of people stems from many circumstances. For instance, being the youngest in a large family taught me that getting a word in is almost impossible. Having those words be acknowledged or respected is even more difficult. Maybe it just comes with the territory of being in a big family or huge group - perhaps getting talked over, teased, or ignored is the norm in these situations. Either way, it doesn't feel too great.

Another reason I don't talk a lot around certain people could be from getting teased in grade school when I'd raise my hand to answer almost every question. The eye-rolls and teacher's pet accusations made me feel that my contributions were more of a hindrance than anything else. When the teacher called me up for my turn to share my filled in ad-libs with the class, a handful of bullies groaned and asked if I could not. Of course, they were only kids, but so was I. I loved school, and all I wanted to do was learn, spend time with friends, and prove that I was as capable and intelligent as everyone else. Apparently, that's a super uncool mindset to have in elementary school.

Maybe I'm quiet because I'm tired of my words getting twisted or used against me. Perhaps I'd rather get no attention than get all the negative feedback and annoyed glances. I've had enough of feeling inadequate and unwanted. Why would I fuel the fire any more? I'd rather carefully choose every word, pick the exact right time, and say them cautiously, adding a smile in case someone doesn't understand when I'm kidding (that happens more often than not).

When I finished explaining these circumstances in more brief terms to my friend, he non-nonchalantly replied, "It sounds like those aren't the right people for you to be around." I stayed silent at this. He took the opportunity to add, "Also, not only do they make you feel small, but you're giving them far too much power over your self-perception." He was right of course. I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower ages ago, and the main thing I took from it was that I only wanted to be with people who make me feel important, not small and ignored. Why should I let them surround me, bind me, and gag me? There are plenty of other people who ask to hear what I have to say, and listen intently. I'd rather give them my attention and time than spend it silently with other people.

What you have to say is important and valid. If people aren't treating you accordingly, they are in the wrong, not you. More likely than not, they are only projecting their own insecurities. Do not mute yourself in order to keep the peace or remain in the same group for comfort. Believe in yourself, respect yourself, and have confidence in your opinions, thoughts, and jokes. The right people will listen -- not talk over you or make you feel stupid and under-valued. Be strong and be heard.