I have not been feeling like myself lately.
After going through several rough weeks, I realized how much I let negativity flood my mind. I have been exhausted, over-thinking minuscule things, and constantly feeling like a dark, gray cloud is floating over my head. I stress myself out over the little things, like the ambiguity of the future or dwelling on the past. I tend to over-commit myself and take on much more than I think I can handle. In my eyes, if I don't think I'm doing something productive, I see it as a waste of time.
But still, I carry on and pretend I am okay with a very forced smile. I thoughtlessly go through the motions of everyday life like a zombie with my mind going in a million different places.
Sometimes, the worst place you can be is in your own head. It seems like this weird funk came out of nowhere and for no reason.
And it's hard to catch me not being me.
So, to the ones who have not been feeling like themselves lately, know this:
Life gets tough. Life gets to be too much to handle sometimes, but those times make you stronger. The way you’re feeling right now is not so much that you feel unhappy, rather, you just feel weird and lost.
Maybe you feel like this because you're like me and try to stay strong all the time. When you’re always the strong one, you usually suppress your desires, thoughts, and sometimes even how you feel. When you’re always the strong one, you are very cautious about giving your problems to anyone else. You see that as laying a burden on people.
I have come to the realization that it is okay to not be strong all the time. I used to tell myself to not let anyone in or let them know of my struggles. But, as the strong one, you go through your own challenges, and there can be times when you reach a breaking point.
The day you realize how much you have grown from this difficult point in time will be your reward. It might be hard to see it now, and I feel your pain, but our attitude towards life can change every day and far too often for us as humans to understand why.
However, once this phase is over, you will be okay. Your light will return to you. Your pure bliss moments, they are seeking you. I promise.
But for now: breathe, celebrate the small things in life, indulge in a long, hot shower, watch the stars, take a much-needed nap, recognize success and reward yourself, and finally, stand in front of the mirror and create positive, loving affirmations for yourself.
You are worth so much more than you may know. Your age doesn't define your maturity. Your GPA doesn't define your intellect or your future. Rumors don't define who you are. Don't let bitter, unhappy people drag you down to their level.
Your happiness will return. You will be a better, stronger version of you. In fact, you will be the best version of you yet.
Just keep going.