"Just get over it." "You're overreacting." "It's not that bad." "You just want attention." "You worry too much."
People with mental illnesses hear things like this all the time, but no one asks to have a mental illness. It's not something we makeup or something that we can just turn off because it's inconvenient for the people around us. Three years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and along with it came depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I've learned that unless you have a mental illness, you don't understand what it's like to have one. Unlike what everyone assumes it's like, here's what it's really like to have a mental illness.
Anxiety is not occasionally being nervous or worried about a big event or test. It's being subconsciously nervous about everything. It's having a panic attack over little things, like having to take a new route to get somewhere. It's not taking risks or trying new things because you're genuinely terrified of the imaginary consequences you've created in your head. It's being so worried about everything that you physically can't do anything and you just sit and stare into space instead. It's choosing not to eat popcorn at the movies because you're afraid of how loud it will be. Anxiety is never raising your hand in class because you're afraid of being wrong or being judged by the rest of the class. It's sitting in the back of the room, hoping no one will notice you. It's preparing exactly what you're going to say to someone days in advance to make sure you get it right, and still worrying that you'll mess it up.
Depression is not having a bad day or feeling sad about something. It's feeling that the little things are the end of the world. It's hiding all of your emotions because you don't think people will understand why you feel the way you do, and then completely losing it when you staple a paper wrong. Depression is fighting every day to get out of bed and face the world. It's blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens in your life, even if realistically you know it's not your fault. It's having days where you can't describe how you feel because you feel everything and nothing so much that it turns into numbness.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is not wanting things to look neat or be clean and organized. OCD is having an uncontrollable need for things to be a certain way. You have a specific routine and you do things the same way every time, not because you want to, but because you feel it has to be done that way. It's needing to do things a certain number of times. You brush your hair exactly sixteen times on each side. You triple check to make sure the doors are locked and the stove is off, even if you didn't even use the stove that day. It's making a list four times because everything needs to be written a specific way and in a certain order, and if the words don't look just right, you rewrite the list again.
I did not choose my mental illness, and just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.
