Oxytocin, the hormone that is released when you feel love and hate. How can the same hormone that brings you so much joy also bring so much hate? How could the person you love so much bring so much pain? These questions can only be answered by a broken heart, and for everyone the answer is different.

The boy who taught me how to love and how I thought I should be loved, also taught me I deserve better and should never settle. These two extremes gave myself the answers to those questions.

So to the boy who gave me answers I give you this. Although you may not care or even read my words, I believe giving others hope to mend a broken heart is the least I can do.

I remember the pain you caused me clearly. I remember how you made me feel crazy and that you were the only thing that could bring me happiness. I remember how you played me to think I could change your world. But I also remember how I could talk to you for hours and never have a loss for words or laughs. I remember how you listened. I remember your warmth and the happiness you spread to everyone around you.

But now these are only memories, none of which I regret. In fact, I want to say thank you. For teaching me that you could have it all planned out and in a blink of an eye it could change. For teaching me to hold on to something special and to give my all to never let that go. Thank you for showing me that the only person that can truly save you is yourself. And for showing me how to love myself first.

Without you walking away I would not be who I am today, someone I am proud of. I would not have met the man who inspires me to be better every day and loves me for who I have become. I would not have returned to my faith or took the chance to make my dream to travel a reality. So although the heartache you put me was torture without it I would not have joined my sorority or met some of the most uplifting women in my life.

In the past year I have learned to be strong. I learned to be independent and that it is okay to settle for nothing less than what I want. That it is okay to say no, and that you should not feel guilty because of it. I learned that walking away from something negative can only lead to good and that you do not need to explain yourself. I learned to follow my true dreams and not wait around for anyone to follow me. I learned that holding onto anger is wasted energy.

Sometimes I do miss finding the best ice cream shops and dinners with your family. But those are memories I cherish. I do not remember you in the way you walked away. I do not hold grudges and I forgive you. I apologize for not being able to love you the way you needed to be loved, but I do not apologize for who I am and the battles I was left to fight alone.

I am nothing but grateful for our past. For it has lead me to who I am today, to the people I have surrounded myself with, and the places I am heading to. I hope that you have found the love and peace you were searching for and are heading for a successful and joyful future. But for now, thank you for letting me go.