If you are familiar with the huge New Year's Eve party that goes on in Times Square in New York City, you know just how crowded it can get in that small little space. At least a million people gather to ring in the new year and watch the ball drop when the clock strikes midnight. You are also probably familiar with the gigantic mess the masses leave behind after the party is over and everyone exits Times Square. I always think to myself, "who has the capacity to clean up that big of a mess?"
The garbage left in Times Square can oddly be representative of the garbage left in our hearts on New Year's Day. We'd be lying if we said everything that happens in the past year disappears and a clean slate is revealed. We still vividly remember what happen, we still are covered in scars we may have obtained. "New year, new you"? That's kinda bull feces. I was depressed and anxious before the ball dropped, and I still was depressed and anxious in the new year. A televised custom doesn't change me in any way. I am still the same disgusting, broken mess that I was in 2016. The only thing that has changed is the date.
If that sounds depressing, and I know it does, be not alarmed. I am okay. All is well with me. But I don't buy into the fallacy that in this new year I will suddenly morph into something entirely new and something that I previously wasn't. That is not how growth occurs. I'd also be lying to myself if I said I would start eating superbly, exercise five times a week, and start taking care of myself properly. That's pretty much the goal, but it's gonna take a lot of time to get there. Affecting a true change in oneself takes time, and one's heart really has to be in it.
So, keeping that in mind, there are a few things I'd like to accomplish in 2017. I gained a lot of weight last semester, which I totally deserved (I ate way too much and made the mistake of keeping food in my room), so I'd like to start exercising again. There is a beautiful gym-like facility at my school and I'd like to start utilizing it. That is also bound to help me with my back pain, depression, and insomnia. Last semester I also didn't work as hard as I knew I should. I was battling a lot of difficult things, like depression, and a new environment, but still, I could have done more. This semester I intend to unleash my full potential on my schoolwork. I also got some MCAT flash cards to start studying for that. Because that is the goal-- med school.
So, in conclusion, the change in date didn't change me. In order to affect a change in myself, I have to decide to and stick to it. Like my mom always says, "if it is to be, it's up to me".
