What Is Vulnerability?

What Is Vulnerability?

This is based off of a homework assignment that inspired me..
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At some point in our lives, everyone has experienced a time where they felt vulnerable. In Brené Brown’s TED Talk, she addresses vulnerability and discusses her research on individuals who accept their insecurities versus those who do not. Individuals who accept their vulnerabilities are more likely to have a sense of love and belonging than those who do not. These individuals had the courage to put themselves first, and are loved for doing so. They believed that their imperfections are what makes them beautiful, which gave them the appearance of being authentic.

Unlike these individuals, some people are ashamed of their insecurities because they believe if anyone discovers their flaws, then they will be viewed as unworthy to create a connection with. When these individuals were asked to speak about something positive such as love, they responded with the first time they got their heart broken. They are so concerned with being deemed unworthy and are unable to create connections with those around them. Because of this, they do not expose any of their insecurities and ultimately numb themselves from feeling vulnerable. This leads to them being unable to feel other emotions such as joy, excitement, and so on.

I believe that everyone has been exposed to a situation that has resulted in them showing their insecurities. However, I do find it interesting that people who are ashamed of their insecurities are less likely to feel a sense of belongingness. In my opinion, to be imperfect is human, and everyone has something they want to be kept secret. Although I haven't accepted all of my insecurities, I can say I do feel a sense of belongingness because I have come to accept that perfection and flawlessness are unobtainable. Some people can accept that simple fact, while others have a more difficult time coming to terms with it.

Personally, I think if I were to take Brené Brown’s survey, I would be somewhere in the middle. In certain situations, I do feel ashamed of my insecurities and believe that if anyone knew certain things that I would lose the ability to create connections. On the other side of things, my stance is also similar to those who feel their imperfections are beautiful. I am the way I am for a reason. As the saying goes, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” I have no idea who first said that, but that’s what I’ve been doing my whole life thus far and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon. Anyone who doesn’t accept me for all that I am, isn’t someone I want to have in my life. It actually took me a very long time to realize that. During high school, I was so concerned with having people like me, and ‘fitting in.’ Once I became a Sophomore, all of that changed. I started being myself, and came to discover that people love me for who I am.

There are times where I still wish things were different for me, or that I was a different kind of person. But then I realize if things weren’t the way they are, and I wasn’t the way I am then my whole life would be different. Without my life being the way it is, I might not know some of the people I hold closest to my heart. From a young age, I always thought that if we were all the same, and everyone looked alike then we would have nothing that distinguishes ourselves, and life would be really boring. It’s very easy to “judge a book by its cover” when you don’t know the whole story. Too often people judge others on something that makes them different, before actually getting to know the person they are outside of their insecurities.

It’s up to us to decide what we do with our vulnerabilities. Whether we choose to accept and love ourselves enough to let another person see us for who we are, is a battle that we could possibly face our whole lives. There are times when I think I’m done fighting that battle, and have come to accept myself for all that I am fully and completely. However, there are situations that bring up insecurities for me, making me feel vulnerable. I believe that I’ve gotten better at letting people in and exposing myself, at least a little bit more than I used to. There are times where it still hard for me to let people in, and it’s probably because I am fearful of their reactions to what I’m about to expose.

Everyone has felt vulnerable at some point in their lives. Some people may have accepted themselves fully, or some people may have felt shame and kept to themselves during that time. I think what people don’t realize is that a lot of us have similar things to be vulnerable about. There are times when people think “that person is so much more ___ than I am” but what they don’t realize is that they could be saying the same thing about them. I’ve had a hard time not comparing myself, and changing myself for others, and as I’m getting older it’s getting easier. There will always be times where myself, as well as others will feel vulnerable, and our reactions to those feelings will vary depending on the situation.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.brendarachel4angels.com/

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Why Ignorance In Our Country Is Not Bliss

And it never will be.

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The saying ignorance is bliss is a bunch of crap. Ignorance is ignorance.

With everything going on in our country, I think it is very important for us to be educating ourselves.

You don't trust the news? Do your own digging.

You don't understand? Do some research.

You don't have the same perspective? Share it.

You only have your religious beliefs to base your knowledge? Learn before you judge.

We live in a scary world today. People judge others they've never met or before they've ever heard their story. People involve themselves in matters that they shouldn't be involved in. People are trying to regulate other people's bodies.

People don't want to learn about the issues they so strongly believe in. People don't want to hear the other side. When did party affiliation become more important than being a human being? When did men get the power to decide what women can do with their bodies? When did we stop being compassionate? When did we stop being decent human beings?

I don't want to live in a world where I have all these questions.

I don't want to live in a world where a judicial system will convict a woman who got an abortion after she was raped, but won't convict her rapist.

I don't want to live in a world where my social media timeline makes me want to cry.

I want to live in a world where everyone's opinion matters, not just the one you agree with.

I want to live in a world where everyone's voice is heard equally, not just the one's in power.

I want to live in a world where everyone's story is taken into consideration, not just the one's the government wants you to hear.

I want to live in a world where I can raise a young girl and not be afraid for her.

I want to live in a world where we do good.

I want to live in a world where we have differences, but that doesn't make us any less equal.

I want to live in a world where we don't judge before we know.

I want to live in a world where religious beliefs are respected.

I want to live in a world where it doesn't matter what political party you are.

I want to live in a world where people see right from wrong.

I want to live in a world where I am not afraid.

What kind of world do you want to live in?

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