Once when I was young, probably around 8, I was at a small amusement park with my family and I really wanted to go swimming. No one else did, but I was insistent so my parents elected one of my older cousins to go with me. We went over to the pool and I jumped right in, splashing around as happy as a clam. My cousin didn’t want to get in the water, so she hung out in a chair and read her book. I was small for my age, and not a particularly strong swimmer, so I probably should have stayed in the shallow end.
But, I was also very stubborn, so when I saw people having fun in the deep end I had to join them. I swam over, hanging onto the wall the whole time, and figured I’d be alright if I just stayed close to the edge. But then they threw me the ball and I started to have fun, and I forgot to be careful.
I began to have to work harder to keep my head above water, but no one else seemed troubled and I wanted to keep playing, so I stayed where I was. Then I started to wear out a little bit more, so I began to slowly move back towards the shallow end, but not too far because I still wasn’t ready to quit having fun.
All of a sudden I got tired, and someone accidentally hit me with the ball, and that’s all it took to throw me off. I tried to turn myself around. I tried to tread water. But all I could do was sputter and flail. I tried to keep my head up and breathe but I kept inhaling water instead. I was coughing because there was water everywhere. The chlorine burned my nose. I tried not to panic, but I was definitely worried.
Eventually I got close enough to the shallow end to stand up. I took a couple of ragged breaths and dragged myself out of the pool. I sat on a chair next to my cousin, just coughing and panting, for a good ten minutes. She was understandably worried (she even called my parents, who had me convinced that I was going to dry drown), but she hadn’t noticed any of the struggle I’d gone through in the pool.How I felt after this near-drowning is a lot like how I feel now: overwhelmed, distraught, exhausted. Of course, I'm not literally drowning, but between trying to balance school, work, and fun, I definitely feel like I'm flailing. Luckily, since these feelings are old friends by this point, I feel like I'm pretty good at pretending to have my life together.
The first thing (and the hardest for me personally) is to know your limits. I should have gotten out of the water when I started to get tired, and maybe I could have rested and gotten back in later. It's hard to stop myself from adding commitments to my schedule, because everything seems so interesting and worthwhile. But of course, you can only do so much, and knowing when you've hit that point is important for your health, mental and physical.
You have to be willing to reach out and ask for what you need, because people can't always see your struggle. It might feel scary or embarrassing, but it's much better to ask for help than it is to try and suffer alone.
The flip side of this is that you can’t always see what other people are going through. As much as you’re able, you should reach out to people, offer help or at least a kind word. Let people know that you care about them, because even if you can’t do something to directly lighten their burden, knowing that you’re there will still help.
Lastly, try to enjoy the breaks as they come. As rare as they are, I could spend them worrying about how much is left on my to-do list or just scrolling through social media. But I'd rather take a real break to hang out with my friends, and recharge a little bit before the next chlorine-filled wave (finals) comes crashing down onto me.
