Breakups are hard, man. You invest so much time into your significant other, and then something happens. You change. The S/O changes. You find out something that was hidden away, and that thing makes you examine everything in your life. Next thing you know, you're looking at the dumpster fire that used to be your relationship, wondering what the hell happened. It doesn't really matter how it happened, but you find yourself single once more. What do you do with yourself? That's what I'm here to help you with. As someone who's been through her fair share of tough breakups, I want to share five things that you should be doing with yourself after a breakup.
1. Create Space
This is the most important thing I can tell you in moving on after a breakup. Move on. Yes, I know you still care for and love that person and can't imagine what life would be like without them and blah blah blah. This is an emotional crutch that you're leaning on right now, and I'm here to kick it out from underneath you. You need to create a lot of space between yourself and your former paramour. Time heals all wounds, and that's what you need right now, time and distance. Get all of your crap out of their apartment. Don't be petty and take something that belongs to your ex, just so you can see him or her again. Live in the same space? Camp out in the living room until one of you can leave. Don't make things more difficult than they have to be. Yes, it will be painful, but this step is absolutely necessary and leads to the next thing you have to do.
2. Cut Off (Or Limit) All Communication
You don't need to talk to your ex much at this stage in the game. You've already broken up, and I imagine that the reason was made very known. You don't need to rehash anything. So, stop talking to them at every chance you get. This goes hand-in-hand with creating space. We did it physically, now we need to do it emotionally. You need to say that you can't talk to this person anymore. Once you say that, stick to it. If your ex continues to overstep the boundaries you set up, block their number. Block them on social media as well. You don't need that negativity in your life. If you live together, limit communication to need-to-know only. That's basically bills and general upkeep. Honestly, I might even let upkeep slide if asking your former love to do the dishes leads to an all-and-out brawl. Once you have control over the communication, we can move onto the next step.
3. Change Your Routine
Relationships are habit forming. You and your ex got into a routine with each other. You went to the local bar on Wednesdays and watched Game of Thrones on Sundays. Every week, the same thing happened over and over again. Well, now's the time to stop that nonsense and do something else. Change up what you do. Did you always make rice and beans on Monday? Not anymore you don't. You need to bring some unpredictability back into your life. How much is really up to you, but I suggest changing up at least one thing that you do daily. You'd be surprised at what you can mix up. Everyone's life is different, but take a good, hard look at it and figure it out. Time for the next step!
4. Get Out Of The House
This step is mostly for people who are stuck living with their exes, but it can be applied to everyone. Right now, you're sitting in your house, surrounded by things that make you think of your ex. That is super depressing. You need to get out of the house. You need to spend as little time in the house as possible. Do you work out? No? Now you do, and you need to become a gym rat. Exhaust yourself so all you do when you get home is sleep. Do you work from home? No, you don't. Now, you work from the coffee shop down the block. It's comfy there, and they have free wifi. Take a walk. Take several walks. Take several walks for several miles. Reacquaint yourself with nature. I don't care what you do, but don't spend every waking moment in a place where all you do is think about your ex. Matter of fact, get out of the house and do the final step as well.
5. Enjoy Your Newfound Freedom
Remember all those things you did as a single person, but you stopped doing them once you became involved? Go back to doing them. Remember all of the friends that you used to hang out with before you decided that all you needed was your boo? Well, if they're good friends, they'll still be there, and you can pick up right where you left off. Get a new hobby. Devote all of your free time to this hobby. Do all the stuff you said you were going to do but flaked out on. You need to find things to occupy your time with. You will find that you now have an overabundance of time, so don't let it go to waste. Do something awesome, like that one thing you've always wanted to do. Now is the time.
And that's it, folks. That's my list. It's certainly not an be all, end all, but if you can do half of these things, that time is going to fly right by, and you'll have a much easier time moving on. Life is much too short to pine away over someone. Take back the reins of control of your life. Good luck out there.
