When you didn't sleep at all the night before, due to studying for an exam, and someone is giving away free donuts on the green, you're not going to say no. If you're anything like me, you'll cram the whole thing in your mouth with one hand while the other holds study material and your glazed eyes stare at it. When I spent six to eight hours in the library doing homework and my best friend texts me and asks if I want to get off campus and eat at my favorite restaurant, I joyfully said yes and ate a huge celebratory meal.
I can't even count the times I told myself, "I'll go to the gym as soon as I finish reading this chapter," but read 1,000 more chapters. No, I didn't put my diet and exercise plan first - I chose to throw all of my physical/mental energy into school. It really did pay off for me when it came to academics, but not so much for the rest of my life.
As time went on, the weight began to affect me in a negative way. It used to make me hate myself, actually loathe myself. When I put on my super cute jeans from high school and they squeezed my new figure I used to sigh and think, "You did this to yourself, it's your fault!" While this is true, the weight would make getting ready on a daily basis absolutely dreadful. I set the standards so impossibly high I could never be happy.
With time and a lot of soul searching, I learned that it was OK to need to go up a size (and slay in a pair of comfy "mom jeans") and I learned to love myself. Being surrounded by the "body positive" movement at college really helped me accept my new found curves and realize I wasn't plagued by flaws. Everyone I was around -- family, friends, my boyfriend -- all said they couldn't even see the extra weight. It was mostly a mental battle against me that I fought for months. As the semester dragged on and as I got used to the course load, what it means to actually study for an exam in a timely manner, and not to overload myself with things to do - I began to set time aside for me. I made sure I went to the grocery store to buy healthier foods (instead of going to the all-you-can-eat buffet on campus because it was quicker), walked everywhere I could on campus, and slid into the gym if I had a spare hour. All in all, the few extra pounds taught me self-love and to appreciate the body I have.
What I want everyone to takeaway from this is to love yourself. As you age, your body will go through phases and sometimes you'll weigh a little more than you did in the past or perhaps you'll drop a few pounds. This, however, does not by any means, determine your self-worth. Do not feel bound by what the conventional means of beauty are -- find your happiness in what you think is beautiful.
While your body can be a means to express yourself, let your mind and heart determine your essence.
