When people picture someone successful, they picture someone who has it all together. Successful people exude an aura of confidence and competency, which is intimidating. As someone who is often told that I fit that description, I can tell you that this is not how success feels.
Success feels like a punch in the gut when you submit something that is below your standard. It is that feeling of failure that you have created for yourself whenever you fall short of your own expectations. You hold yourself to higher standards that the world hold you to, and that's what sets you apart. And that punch in the stomach is what keeps you from falling below your standards again. Settling is not an option for you.
Success is the churning of your stomach as you contemplate all the sugar and caffeine you ingested just so you can finish that one last thing before going to bed.
It’s not knowing whether to laugh or cry when you accidentally spray coffee creamer all over your room because you forgot to close the bottle the night before.
Success is crying at your incompetence at two a.m. while listening to Adele. It’s crippling self-doubt that resounds with every word that you add to your seemingly never-ending assignment. It’s thinking that this is the worst work you have ever done. It's laughing at yourself later for that breakdown.
It's that joy you feel when you finally share your work with others, and they tell you that it's great--even after you point out every insecurity you had while completing it. It’s knowing that you have people who will boost your confidence without the discord of dishonesty. It’s trust in your peers’ assessment of your work. It’s trust in yourself for earning that review.
It’s the shock you feel when your professor seeks you out later to praise you for the work you turned in for class that day. It’s the utter surprise you feel because you thought you bombed the entire assignment.
Success is the feeling of dry eyes and sore throats after nights of minimal sleep. It’s knowing that you are choosing yourself and your goals every time that you decide to work instead of resting. It’s knowing that with every minute lost to slumber is another minute that you could have used to push yourself. It’s choosing the push of determination over the pull of your pillow.
It’s knowing that you have done everything in your power to continue chugging along. It’s knowing that you always have the capacity to move a little faster, work a little harder, and strive a little higher.
Success is that feeling of pure, elated exhaustion. You have used every ounce of your energy to move toward your goal. You have never felt so tired, yet you've never felt so satisfied.
Success has a tendency to feel a whole lot like failure. But it's pushing past that feeling that marks a true success.
Success is not linear; some days will feel like you're soaring above everyone, your head among the clouds, but you will also feel the cold reality of rock bottom. And you will work your way back up to the skies. That's success.
