Sex is never a comfortable topic, especially when it comes to kinks. Like it or not, it's important to discuss so we, as a society, can create a culture that's consent driven and safe for everyone. A part of this is knowing what to avoid saying in the bedroom.
Now if you and your partner decide that insulting and demanding speech is what you both enjoy, then good for you. But keep in mind that discussing such a thing is mandatory prior to sexual acts. Lack of discussion can lead to fear or being downright creeped out. To avoid scaring your partner, check out this list of phrases that really aren't too sexy.
1. "I knew I was going to have sex with you."
This statement implies you wouldn't have taken no for answer. It implies you would've relied on coercion had your partner not have said yes at first. Don't say this. Don't ever make your partner, or even a hookup, feel as if no matter what, you two were bound to have sex. That isn't sweet, it's creepy and uncomfortable.
2. "I know you want it."
If your partner did not directly tell you that they want sex then no, you don't know that they want it. As I've said in this article, you cannot decide that someone is consenting. Period.
3. "I don't care if you're screaming in pain or pleasure."
So, you don't care about being a rapist? Because someone screaming in pain is very clear indicator that they're no longer consenting to whatever is happening. Don't ever make your partner feel as if their physical feelings aren't important. Always make sure they're genuinely enjoying themselves. Remember, sex without consent is rape.
4. "I can't control myself around you."
This should be a given. It's not cute to have no self control, especially in a sexual situation. It also shows that you don't hold yourself accountable for your actions, which is another issue in itself. Instead, try saying how much you want your partner.
5. "Once I start, I can't stop."
Yikes, that's a red flag. No matter what, you should always let your partner know stopping is an option. Consent can be withdrawn at any moment, and if they say "no" more, then you must respect their decision.
To avoid unnecessary arguments I will reiterate that if you and your partner discuss these types of phrases and decide that they're okay to say to each other then more power to you. I can't decide for you what you deem acceptable or not. However, understanding that phrases such as these can be interpreted as creepy is important to keep in mind. This is especially true if your partner is a survivor of sexual violence.
