Let's get something straight: sex without consent is rape. If either party is feeling uncomfortable about the actions unfolding then both people, no matter what the circumstances, need to stop. This isn't up for debate.
You cannot decide whether or not someone is consenting. That is not your choice to make. If your partner tells you they don't want to continue, stop. It doesn't matter if they sent texts a few days before or even a few minutes before, exclaiming how excited they were to have sex with you. It doesn't matter if they were making positive noises. It doesn't matter if you were enjoying yourself. If and when your partner says they want to stop, you immediately stop because consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Sometimes, it won't be possible for your partner to verbally tell you stop, so it's up to you to look for warning signs that they're no longer consenting. A few of these nonverbal signs are silence (partner is no longer making positive noises), tense muscles (partner's body seems stiff) and mental distance (partner seems as if their mind is elsewhere.) If you notice any of these signs, then stop whatever it is you are doing and ask your partner if he or she is OK. Ignoring these nonverbal signals can be very harmful mentally, physically and emotionally to your partner because sex without consent is rape.
Remember to always check in with your partner. Asking them if it's OK to continue or go further isn't a mood-kill; it's absolutely necessary. Just because they consent to kissing doesn't mean they consent to fondling or oral sex. Just because they consent to oral sex doesn't mean they consent to intercourse. A yes in one category doesn't mean yes to the other bases.
Anything but an affirmative "yes" is not consent. Flirting is not consent. Sending naked pictures is not consent. Having sex with you in the past is not consent to future sex. Revealing outfits are not consent. Unless your partner is completely enthusiastic about whatever you two are about to do, it is not consent. You cannot tell someone that because they did ________ it means they're willing to do ________. You cannot tell them they owe you sex because of anything they did. You are never entitled to someone else's body.
So before you insult your partner for not having sex with you for whatever reason they may give, remember that sex is a two person activity. If only one of you is consenting then that's rape. You don't want to be a rapist. Still having a hard time understanding this basic concept? Check out this video by the Thames Valley Police.
