It’s that time of year again. People everywhere gather together to stuff themselves with amazing food (shoutout to you, Mom) and be with family. But some of us, like myself, have a very different situation.

My parents were divorced when I was six, and I lived in California while the majority of my family lived in Pittsburgh. Growing up without my family surrounding me was sometimes difficult, especially when my good friends always spent time with their aunts and uncles and cousins. I distinctly remember coming home from my best friend’s family reunion and telling my mom that I wished I had a big family. I longed for the family reunions and huge family dinners at the holidays like you see in the movies.

But that day, my mom told me something that changed my life (as she often has, another shoutout to you, Mom). She told me that we may not be as close to our family as Casey is to hers, but we have the luxury of choosing who we call family. I think when I was little, I didn’t really understand the weight of that, and I was still jealous that my family was so spread out and, let’s face it, kinda dysfunctional. I grew up wishing I had siblings and wishing I could call up my grandma and have her make me some food when I got home from school like my other friends. I spent holidays with either my mom or my dad, and almost always with family friends, but rarely with my own family.

It wasn’t until I got to college that I understood. I left California for Pennsylvania, thinking that my friendships on the West Coast would last a lifetime, but as the years have come and gone, many of them have fizzled. When I first started to realize what was going on, I went into a sort of depression and was homesick for the people I had spent so many years with in LA. I isolated myself in my dorm room quite a bit, and only really spent time with three people. But as I got more comfortable with the change that was happening in my life, I began to see these new relationships as more than friendships.

These new friends I had were supportive of me, they loved me, and they genuinely wanted to spend time with me. I may have let friendships from the West Coast fade, but the friendships I made on the East Coast were stronger than ever. These original three became my best friends and then family. Now into my third year of college, I have fostered familial relationships with many people and even joined a sorority. These women, who are quite literally my sisters, have provided me with a safe haven and support beyond measure.

This year, for Thanksgiving, I celebrate the true meaning of family. I no longer think that family has to fit in the dictionary definition of those who are related to you by blood. No, family is much, much more than that. To me, a person’s family is constantly growing with the bonds and relationships we make as we grow. A family is supposed to be people who love you unconditionally and support you and think you’re pretty cool; whether or not that’s your blood family, your friend family, or both is entirely up to you.

In this time of thankfulness, I am overflowing with love and gratitude for my family. I now understand my mom’s words from so many years ago. I have chosen who to let into my heart as family, and I have chosen who in my actual family I want to keep in contact with. I have chosen to surround myself with those who love, appreciate, support, challenge, inspire, and most importantly, choose me, too.

So to my West Coast family, the Indecision Corp., and the Stoop Kids, you have no idea the weight you carry in my life. You have all changed me for the better, and I am grateful beyond words for everything you do for me. I love you with all my heart, and I am so happy and humbled to be a part of all your lives and families, too. Most importantly, thank you to my parents and my blood family for allowing me to grow up into my (very big) personality and for loving me unconditionally and supporting me in all that I do. You all have shaped my definition of the word, and have proven (once again) that Mom was right.