As someone who's been diagnosed with chronic headaches and migraines, life can be extremely difficult and frustrating at times. For me, it has been something that I have just dealt with for as long as I can remember, mostly starting around the age of 4 or 5. Over the years I have learned how to cope the best I can, but when outside factors like weather change and stress hits, the attacks are unavoidable. I wanted to clear up some misconceptions and reveal what it is really like being a friend, a teenage girl, a college student, a nursing student who suffers from this chronic condition. I am always asked the same couple of questions and given the same careless comments and at times it's tiring to have to explain myself time and time again. It's almost as if the more I am asked, the more likely I am to change my mind somewhere along the line, as if my word cannot be truly taken at face value the first time.
A headache can be defined as "unpleasant pains in your head that can cause pressure and aching. They can range from mild to severe pain and usually occur on both sides of your head. Some specific areas where headaches can occur include the forehead, temples, and back of the neck. A headache can last anywhere from 30 minutes to a week" (Mayo Clinic). Headaches can also be classified into many different types and categories. Migraines on the other hand "are intense or severe and often have accompanying symptoms in addition to head pain. Symptoms associated with a migraine headache include: nausea, pain behind one eye or ear, pain in the temples, seeing spots or flashing lights, sensitivity to light and/or sound, temporary vision loss, vomiting. A migraine headache will cause intense pain that may be throbbing and will make performing daily tasks very difficult" (Mayo Clinic).
In short, a headache won't always turn into a migraine and a migraine is not just a headache. The pain is debilitating; it keeps you in bed, unable to move or sleep because of the pain, unable to get up and even perform basic activities of daily living like showering or eating.
For anyone not familiar with this condition, in order to be diagnosed as a chronic headache and migraine sufferer you have to have 15 or more headache days during a month and 15 or more migraine days during a month recorded consistently over a duration of a few months. To be diagnosed with both chronic headache and migraine days consequently means that yes, my head will usually always hurt.
To put it simply, the days where I do not experience a headache or migraine are few and far between. These days are often celebrated yet met with extreme caution because I do not know when a trigger might hit. I plan and live my life avoiding my triggers, some of which I cannot entirely avoid. The weather always changes as does the barometric pressure. People will continue to spray ungodly amounts of nasty perfume no matter what you say. People want to light the candles they like the smell of. People will want to study with bright lights on until late into the night even when the study room is close by because they just want to be in their own space. People will want to party all around you until late at night no matter what else is going on. That's just how college is. It makes me sound lame having all of these triggers and commenting on how other people live, but that's how I have to live with this condition for fear of causing myself more pain than I already have.
Living and planning a life so restricted by these triggers and having to minimize them is tough. Limiting yourself to only what you can physically accomplish each day on a normal schedule is tiring and taxing. I cannot do much more than what is planned and often I cannot go a day without needing a nap or coming home after a couple of classes with a headache. As a college student everyone naps, so this is not that ground breaking, but having to set aside time to rest and recharge my energy even when I'm not in college is a pain and takes away from the time I could be enjoying some of the best days of my life. And I know that.
The most common statement that I am tired of hearing is "Well, your head always hurts," as if the previous comment I have made is somehow null and void. Well, to be frank, that's what chronic means; it's ongoing and at times, yes, my head may always hurt. Another comment I hear is "Well it can't be that bad, you're the one college student I know who sleeps the most, more than everyone else." Or better yet, this false sentiment: "Well, yeah, I have a headache too." I understand that this might be meant as a way to sympathize with me and how I am feeling, but when it comes at a time where I am in unbearable pain due to a migraine, I don't want you comparing your headache to what I'm feeling. A headache and a migraine are vastly different and trying to sympathize with me when your headache is due to simple fixes like not getting hung over or not getting dehydrated does not make me feel better. I wouldn't wish this pain upon my worst enemy and I would gladly take a headache over a migraine so I could be able to function.
Although most of my friends are fortunate enough to have never have to have experienced a migraine, those who have before often tell me they don't know how I do it. And to that I want to be completely honest and say some days, I don't want to. It hurts in unbelievable ways, its debilitating, my medicine works maybe 40% of the time, it ruins my mood, it makes me extremely cranky and mean, and it limits my friendships because I can't spend most of my free time going out dancing or spending the day doing fun activities.
It's something I have struggled and still struggle to get under control and it scares me. My passion is to be a NICU Nurse, but the fear of not being able to accomplish my dream because of this condition scares me to death. I don't want to be medicated the rest of my life; I don't want to have to rely on others to live a normal life. I want to be able to work and to put all of myself into my future career and the life I want to live. While most people worry about grades and struggling to manage a social life with school, I find myself struggling with my condition and what might set me off on top of school work and whether my professors will accept my word for having a migraine if I have to miss class.
On the days a migraine hits, I have chosen to go to class and make it worse.
Why?
This might seem like a good time to just suck it up and deal with it perhaps. This decision ultimately leads to an even longer and painful night afterwords, being unable to sleep or take more medicine and fearing a visit to the ER where I would sit in more pain for even longer waiting for their rescue medication.
Why do I chose to stick it out then?
Because I may have already hit my limit and I continue to push myself for fear of my grade and the effect it would have on my class performance. Because if I leave, I fear I might get reprimanded, even though it is college and the professors might not care. Because while I could take my rescue medication during class to try to continue on, I become unable to think coherently, unbalanced, and really sick. I chose to stick it out in class despite the pain most days rather than going home to rest for fear of effecting my grade and because my teachers might not understand.
So to anyone who maybe did not understand what life is like for a chronic headache and migraine sufferer, I hope you know now. It isn't made up, it's not some lame excuse; it's a reality for me and many others.
