Friendships usually aren’t forever. You will meet people in your life that will drift away, whatever the reason may be. It’s not always one person’s fault and you will come to accept that some people just aren’t forever. This is why the friendships that last years are so important. Even so, lost friendships are not a waste of time and are often the source of important life lessons. You will learn from the people that come into your life and even more from the people who drift away.
People will disappoint you; it’s inevitable. There will come a day when your best friend doesn’t answer your call right away and you finally hear what her answering machine sounds like. There will come a day when they take a few hours to answer your texts instead of a few minutes. They may start to choose other people or plans over you. It hurts but it will happen; you can’t control how other people treat you.
Take advantage of the time you have. You never know how long you have with the people around you. They might move out of state, or transfer schools, or you two may simply drift apart. Don’t leave anything unsaid. Tell your friends how much they mean to you and go all out for holidays and birthdays; you’ll be glad you did.
Cherish your friends. Don’t wait for their birthday to get them that candle that reminds you of the night you two stayed up for hours sharing details of your lives. Or the graphic tee that so perfectly describes their obsession with pizza. If they call you at 3 am, answer. They could be calling for the most important or most ridiculous reason but you’ll be glad you were the one they talked to about it. Be there for them even when it’s inconvenient for you. This is what friendship is all about: sacrifice. Sacrificing your time for the people you love is one of the greatest ways to show how much you care about them.
Even if you’re tired, go out when they ask. You may not get that second chance to go ice skating in NYC or spend a weekend at the beach with your friends. Buy those $50 concert tickets and enjoy a night out with the people you love. Splurging on your friendship is well worth the scary low bank account balance. Trust me, you won’t worry about the $7 in your account when you think back to how much fun you had with the people you love.
Losing friends hurts. People will go on and on about how to grieve over a breakup with a boyfriend but say little about a fall-out with a friend. It hurts the same. You still think about what could have been, what you could’ve done differently, how things changed so quickly. You will reminisce the memories you shared, the laughs, even the tears. You will miss it all and wish that things could go back to the way they were. But eventually, it will get easier and you will find comfort in new friendships. You may get closer to people already in your life or take this change of events as an opportunity to branch out and meet new people.
Sometimes taking a step back- for a week, month, or year- is the clarity you need to truly appreciate the people in your life. Sometimes you will reconnect with the people you lost touch with and this can make your previous friendship even stronger. Maybe you both have to focus on yourselves for a while to appreciate each other again. There’s nothing wrong with this and it is sometimes what keeps two people from losing touch forever.
It takes two to make a friendship work. You can put your wholehearted effort into a friendship, but unless they put the work in too it won’t last. There are no “one-way roads” in friendship. It is a give and take a balancing act. The friendships that work usually seem effortless because both sides are so willing to put the work in. But don’t be fooled, there is a lot of hard work below the surface. If you feel like you’re constantly giving someone your all with little in return, chances are it’s time to move on.
There is such a thing as too many friends. There’s no way to juggle the needs of 20+ friends; it’s just not possible. Rather than focusing on quantity, focus more on what you could do to improve the friendships you already have. It’s better to have a few strong, amazing friendships than a bunch of mediocre, flaky ones.
Even if you don’t keep in contact, some friends will always stay in your heart- and you in theirs. There are some friends I lost touch with that I still think about every week. I’ll see the progress they’re making in life and how much fun they’ve been having and it really will make me happy. I’ll wonder about their new friends and new memories and sometimes I’ll reach out for old times sake. Just because you lose touch with someone doesn’t mean you have to stop caring. This doesn’t make you the weaker person, just the opposite. Being able to admit that you still care about someone and want them to be happy, even after losing touch, shows the strength and humility you possess.
While losing touch with people you love may hurt, it can teach you a lot about life. Don’t just brush off lost friends as a negative event without a second thought. It may sound dumb, but we learn more from failure than we do from success. When everything goes perfectly there is nothing to improve upon but when things get rocky there is time for self-reflection and improvement. Take advantage of this. And if you bump into an old friend sometime in the future, stop and catch up. Ask about their life and take comfort in an old friendship.
