Dear Ex-Best Friend

Dear Ex-Best Friend

Who would have thought this would happen to us?
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Dear Ex-Best Friend,

I can’t believe it has been months since we talked last... I never would have thought that this would happen to us. There has been so much that has happened since then, and I want you to know everything. I think it’s crazy that even though we aren’t best friends and aren’t as close as we used to be, I still want to tell you everything. It honestly sucks, because you’re not that person for me anymore.

You were the person I was able to count on for anything and everything. You were the person I called when anything good or bad happened. You were my person. And we were supposed to be best friends forever, but that didn’t work out like we thought it would.

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I call someone else my best friend. I’m sorry that we aren’t making all of the memories we thought we would be making. I’m sorry I never uploaded those pics of us (but now it would be kind of weird). I’m sorry this is weird. Us not being best friends is just weird. But I guess that's life, and sometimes, things don’t turn out like you think they will or should.

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Even though we aren’t friends anymore, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being my best friend and always being there for me, through thick and thin. Thank you for letting me call you family mine (they basically became my second family). Thank you for keeping all of my secrets, no matter what they were. Thank you for always being honest with me and for always being there for me. Thank you for all of the nights we didn’t go to bed until three or four in the morning. Thank you for all of our memories and the cute (and not so cute) pictures that pop up on my Timehop all the time. Thank you for being everything I could ask for (and more) in a best friend.

I miss you…a lot. I miss texting you about every single thing that happened in my life (even the stupidest things). Sometimes I find myself going through my camera roll and looking at photos of us, and all I do is smile. I occasionally find screenshots of our old texts and conversations and I can’t help but laugh at all of the stupid things we said. Photos of us pop up on my Timehop at least once a week. Some of our memories that show up make me laugh at how stupid we were sometimes. Other memories that show up kill me inside, because it reminds me that we aren’t (and might not ever be) that close again. Having you as my best friend was one of the best things that happened to me so far in my life and I am beyond thankful for the memories we have together (good and bad). I miss spending almost every day with you and jamming out in the car. I miss all of the ugly Snapchats we sent each other and the random FaceTimes. I miss your family and how I used to know what was going on in their lives too. I miss knowing that no matter what happened you would be there. I miss my other half, my person, and my best friend.

I hate that whenever someone asks me how you’re doing I don’t even know how to reply. I hate that whenever we do text and have an actual conversation, they aren’t like they used to be. I hate that now we go weeks without texting or talking to each other, when we used to not be able to go a day without talking.

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I’m so upset that we let our friendship get to where it is now. How did this happen? What happened to us? It all feels like a blur because it happened so fast. How did we even let this happen? I’m mad that we didn’t fight harder for our friendship. Our friendship was different than most and I can’t believe we let it slip away. I am mad that we let our friendship become nothing but memories and old photos.

Never forget that I will always be here for you no matter what happens. I am only a text, call, or FaceTime away. I promised I would always be there for you when you needed someone, and even though things have changed, that will never change.

I love you to the moon and back,

Your Ex-Best Friend

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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A Letter To My Best Friend On Valentine's Day

Because you are my ultimate Valentine.
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To my beautiful best friend,

Warning: This letter is about to get extremely cheesy. I am talking four cheese lasagna cheesy. But no one deserves a love letter like this more than you do.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to express my love for you. On this wondrous occasion with which most people express their love to their significant other, I want to tell you, my best friend, how much I cherish our friendship.

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You are the ultimate love of my life. Boys have come and gone but you remain a constant; for that I am grateful. You have been there for me when my family could not be; for that I am grateful. You have been my backbone, my rock, and all those other clichés people use to describe the people they care about, and yet you have been so much more than that as well; for that I am grateful.

All my love this Valentine’s Day goes out to you, my friend, because you do not receive it enough. You have picked me up out of the dirt, brushed me off, and kissed my wounds more times than I can count, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, but I am sure am going to try.

Thank you for the midnight cries. Thank you for the midnight laughs. Thank you for ordering way too much food with me and still just eating it all. Thank you for the advice, both solicited and unsolicited. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear, even when it isn’t what I want to hear. Thank you for the silly pictures. Thank you for the stupid inside jokes. Thank you for making bad decisions with me. Thank you for laughing with me and laughing at me. Thank you for the endless memories.

SEE ALSO: An Open Letter to the Best Friend I've Ever Had

More than anything, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. You are the family I get to choose, the one I go to when I have nowhere else to turn. You are the one I know I can always run to, whether we saw each other yesterday or haven’t seen each other in a year. You have played a part in molding who I am as a person, and I am so grateful for having such an amazing person affecting my life in such a positive way.

With all the love in my heart,

Your friend
Cover Image Credit: https://www.facebook.com/natalie.pederson.5/photos

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Our First Bundle Of Joy, COMING SOON!

After years of trying, hoping, praying, and wishing, we finally have a baby on the way!

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According to Larry Barretto, "Babies are bits of star-dust blown from the hand of God. Lucky is the woman who knows the pangs of birth for she has held a star."

Things would be simple if we, as women, could reach into the heavens and pluck our perfect little star ourselves. However, that is not how God intended us to bring our bundles of joy into the world. Instead, he chose the female body as a safe haven for our stars. It is here that they grow brighter and brighter until they burst with light.

This is a new beginning that many women crave. We swoon when we hear the first heartbeat. We scream with joy when the first kick has us reaching for the nearest object. We glow as we watch our bellies get bigger and bigger, knowing that with each passing day, we get closer and closer to holding our greatest joy in life.

What happens when those moments never come though? What happens when you have done everything right, but still, no star? What do you do when every single negative test begins to break down your spirit?

These are the questions that emerge when reality settles in and you realize, what if you cannot get pregnant?

Your heart starts to sink as the days, weeks, months, and years go by. With every failed pregnancy test, you lose a piece of your heart. What used to feel like passionate love with your partner, now feels like a forced five minutes whenever your phone alerts you that it is time to try again. The future, full of sleepless nights, diaper changing, and endless unforgettable milestones, now seems distant and bleak.

Now imagine feeling that for two years. Two years of heartbreak. Two years of feeling like you are not capable. Two years of reaching for something that seemed impossible. Two years of never-ending sadness.

These past two years have been difficult to endure. Every morning would begin with a prayer that God would somehow bless us with our own star. Every night ended with pleas to take away the sadness that dwelled within our hearts.

For a moment, we felt unheard. We felt that there would always be an empty space in our lives that only our very own child could fill. These feelings were almost enough to make us give up. Truthfully, maybe we were giving up. Maybe, if this test turned out to be negative like the rest of them, we would call it quits and fill the void with objects that would never amount to the joy a child would have brought us.

It was on January 25, 2019 that giving up seemed like a good idea. God had decided that motherhood would have to come in some other form or fashion. It was this decision that we were ready to accept.

As we watched one line form to give us the answer we already expected, we vowed to be done with it. Our hearts broke for the last time. Just as we began to burn all the memories we had formed in our heads, something started to appear on the stick. It was faint and almost unbelievable, but it was there.

A second line.

A second line giving us hope and allowing our hearts to flutter with joy for a moment. As the line became clearer and more distinct, hope turned into a blissful reality and the fluttering was now masked by the loud heartbeat of a woman who could now see herself having her very own star.

Hundreds of miles away was my very own heartbeat, thumping loud and clear for all to hear THAT I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT!

That is right, after two years of trying, my sister, Harley, is finally expecting her very first baby in September!

Harley and Travis are going to be absolutely wonderful parents and I am so excited to watch them grow as a couple and as a family! Their experience has shown me the importance of perseverance and never giving up on something that means the world to you. I am so thankful that my sister is such a headstrong woman who did not give up because now I can look forward to spoiling my first niece or nephew this year!

To all of you woman who are on a similar journey, do not give up. It is true that some things are not meant to be, but there is always a way and that is something you should never forget. A mother's love is strong and true no matter how it is established.

To you, Harley, I love you and I thank God every day for giving you the blessing you have been asking for!

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