Two years ago my life was turned upside down. In the spring of my junior year, I sustained a concussion during a high school water polo game. I thought that I would be okay after a few days or even a few weeks but that was not the case. My concussion turned into post-concussive syndrome, which turned into chronic migraines. Hundreds of doctors' appointments later, I'm still waking up every day with a headache.
There is no manual for how to come to terms and cope with chronic pain. I wanted to find a reason for it. I wished that someone would pinch me and I'd wake up from this awful dream where I could never play water polo again. I lost a crucial part of my identity. I was no longer a swimmer, water polo player or athlete. At that time more than ever before, I didn't know who I was anymore. I viewed my pain as a roadblock to having a "normal" social life, completing assignments for school, learning how to drive. It was another way that I saw myself as different than everybody else, which as a 17-year-old is not exactly a welcomed idea. I felt like I was missing out on so many experiences because I've never been to a concert, I couldn't go see movies until last spring and I avoided dances and parties because music and crowds made my head hurt.
You really don't know how strong you are until there's no other choice. I became determined not to let this setback affect my goals or my happiness. When I look back on the past two years I realize how far I have come. It's not an easy task and I'll admit that some days I wish I could just sleep forever. Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself. But that's okay because life is messy and truly a journey full of highs and lows. I try and remember that each day is a collection of moments that I will never relive and that I need to make the most of each one.
Living with chronic pain has caused me to be grateful for the small things like a conversation with a good friend, or being able to sit outside in the sun and study on the quad. It has changed my mindset and allowed me to be more aware of what is happening around me. It has made me more willing to help others and has opened my eyes to the fact that many people are going through situations that are not apparent by just looking at them. It helps me remember that feeling pain is a sign of our humanity and the ability to empathize with another is what makes us interconnected.
