Having been 19 when I first got engaged, I felt as if I had finally understood what true uncertainty felt like.
It was my last semester as a freshman in college and while I was now trying to decide what season I wanted my wedding to be in, I was also being asked to memorize accounting equations.
Honestly, I can’t tell you which was more difficult.
As time went on, though, things fell through, promises began being broken, and lies became a very prominent part of the texts I was receiving. The day I broke off the engagement was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life but looking back on it now, it was also one of the very best.
While on the road to making this difficult decision, and even after it was made, there are a few key things that I realized and took to heart.
Your family knows what they are talking about.
I know that there are a plethora of stories that can, and will, contradict this statement (Romeo and Juliet, right?) but in my case, my family truly knew what they were talking about when they were voicing their concerns for me and my fiancé.
As any other 19-year-old would do, I shook off the bad, gut-wrenching feeling that came along with the views they expressed to me. I just continued to convince myself that they did not know what they were talking about and they couldn’t possibly understand a love like mine (psh, he was my first boyfriend and a horrible one at that).
It’s OK to have, and to hold onto, your standards.
I constantly found myself making exceptions for things that kept happening. The lies, drugs, people, and places that I had expressed my concerns over continued to come up time after time.
“He’s going through a tough time, he knows how upset and hurt I am so I don’t think he will ever do it again….” “He said this is the last time so believe him…” “Just one more chance…” “Just one more chance…” “Just one more chance…”
This cycle continued for over a year and got worse as the time went on. Questions such as “am I a bad girlfriend for not believing him?” kept going through my head, and for a time being, I believed that I was.
This lesson is the most important one from my viewpoint and even though the time I went through while learning was absolute hell, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Have your standards. This is the person you are about to spend the rest of your life with. Are you really going to be OK with constantly having your heart broken? Now, I’m not saying to go break off a relationship because the other person leaves an empty container of milk in the fridge and doesn’t tell you about it.
Are they doing something that causes themselves and yourself pain? Is it repetitive even though they keep saying they’re going to change? Does it go against your morals?
These questions hurt to think about but, trust me, they are some of the best ones you can ever put to use.
You do not have to have a reason.
Even though I did have a reason for ending the relationship, I kept running into one of the most uncomfortable questions: why did you guys break up? Well, for your information, it’s none of your business.
Would you rather me have a reason that holds up to your standards or be in a lifelong commitment that brought myself down on a daily basis?
The same goes for the person you are ending things with. Your feelings are your feelings, and as many of us know, sometimes expressing them is a bit difficult. If things are bad enough, you do not have to sit down and explain to them everything they have been doing wrong, at that point in time you need to take care of yourself.
The only person you need to convince is yourself and to love yourself enough to be able to get up, lift your head high, and move on to a bigger and brighter future.
Any relationship that you are in is going to have its ups and downs. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. You might be having the best cuddle of your life and your partner wraps their legs around you, bringing you closer, and they let a rank one rip.
There are beautiful parts of every experience you have (even the fart ones) while there are also many dark days you will experience with your partner as well.
