A vision disorder is often unique. For one thing, it is not something you can see when you look at a person. The word "disorder" carries with it a negative connotation, and most are not willing to talk about the subject. As someone who has lived with a rare vision disorder my entire life, I can honestly say I am at a point now where I am almost grateful for my condition. I have learned that it is part of me and it has taught me a lot of life's hard lessons.
I have Irlen Syndrome. It is a rare perceptual processing disorder with many different symptoms. Basically, my eyes are unable diffuse light properly, and my brain cannot process visual information correctly. It may not sound like much, but it actually affects almost everything I do.
Reading. Black ink on white paper is overwhelming and difficult for my brain to process. The white overrides the black and causes a strain on my eyes. As my brain works to make sense of the page, word move, jump, and fall off of the paper that I am reading. Kids born with Irlen Syndrome are often misdiagnosed as dyslexic because of this. My teachers and parents didn't believe me when I would explain what happened when I tried to read. I was told I was abnormal and broken. Since reading was important to me, I decided to work through the struggle by following the letters when they moved and teaching my eyes to focus in different ways. I have found that blue paper is calming and easier to read with.
Walking. I'm sure this sounds strange, but it's true. When I walk, my eyes can only focus on one thing at a time. This means that I cannot see what is around me until I bump into it. Steps seem further apart to me, so I have to concentrate in order not to fall. Escalators are impossible. It seems to be a small inconvenience, but imagine having to think about something you do everyday that should come naturally.
Driving. Having a perceptual processing disorder obviously makes driving a challenge. I cannot see how close a car is to me or how fast it is coming. For safety, I often wait longer than necessary to ensure traffic is clear before I pull out. Occasionally, I find myself driving the wrong direction in the wrong lane and have to quickly turn around. Times like these are hard to stay calm. I often get frustrated with myself and become brokenhearted about my condition.
While this is only a snapshot of one specific condition, vision disorders of different types are more common than you would think. It is hard when society has a definition of "normal" and you are made to feel as though you don't measure up to the standard. It is also hard to fathom that daily tasks such as the three mentioned above are a constant worry for you and a simple matter for everyone else. I can honestly say that there have been more days than I can count that I have questioned my worth based on the fact that I cannot see things the way others can. By feeling this worthlessness, I have built up strength and confidence in myself. I refused to be treated as "abnormal." I have to work harder at some things, but I feel twice as accomplished when I reach those goals. I have learned to keep a strong work ethic. I've learned to laugh at the embarrassing mistakes but not to focus on them. I've learned to take it slow if that's what I need, and I've learned to be patient and determined. I might not be where I am today had I never had this wacky vision disorder to struggle with and overcome. If you have a vision disorder of any sort, I hope you take away with you a small sense of pride in yourself. It doesn't mean you're broken or not capable. It means you are building strength and possibly a sense of humor. It means you literally see things differently and that is okay. There is no greater feeling than to look at where you are and know you only got here by putting in the hard work. Shake it off. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe try not to drive on the wrong side of the road (or am I the only one who struggles with that?). Regardless, know you are not less of a person because of the disorder that you have. You are simply you. How amazing is that?
