I've done a lot of things and seen a lot of places since first stepping foot off the plane on January 4th, but I never saw growth and acceptance coming.
Of course, last spring when I had decided a year later I wanted to be in a different country, I didn't think of anything besides the application process and my excitement of a new experience headed my way. As the deadlines and travel dates got closer, the anxiety multiplied like rabbits and fear and excitement were at a constant battle in my head, heart, and stomach. As soon as I got here and I was left alone in my new room, it all hit me that I was 4,000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew.
Even though my journey is not quite over, as I have a month and a half left, I've learned a lot in the past couple months, more than I expected.
I've experienced a lot of things I wouldn't want to go through again and dealt with people and problems I never thought I would come across, but they all have shaped me and taught me.
I've constantly chatted with my sister who studied abroad and she was the one who originally told me I'd learn a lot, this was then backed up by my father and a sorority sister. I had always chuckled because I didn't believe it would be true. What would I learn about myself? How would I grow? Honestly, what are they talking about?
However, over the months I've learned to accept things from my past, not be as judgmental and I'm happy I have learned how to let things go. Being who I am with the moodiness, it was always hard to learn all those things, but after being taken out of all the situations that I was in and seeing it from the outside, I started learning. Video chats with family members about problems helped me level myself, not be such a crab and to spend more time doing things I want to do instead of succumbing to others wishes (which was always hard because I can be a people pleaser).
Recently it's been easier to hit a problem head on to deal with it without the worry of backlash, something I always over-thought. My people-pleasing aspect flew out the window once I realized I didn't study abroad to make friends or please others, but that I did it for me, myself and I.
About a week ago, alone for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was sitting in a dark room left to my thoughts and my past came creeping in to annoy me once again. The weird thing is that it didn't annoy me, for some reason, I was viewing all the events so differently and in a twisted and delayed way, learning and realizing a lot. I sent my mother paragraphs of my realizations and I could tell she was proud i was learning from myself.
As I sat in the room the rest of my day, I thought about how my dad always says "It's smart to learn from your mistakes, but it's wise to learn from others." The quote has stuck with me and I've been trying to use it and so far, it's panning out well. I keep growing and I know when I set my foot back on United States soil I won't be the person I was on January 3rd; I'll be someone different, someone new, someone just a little bit smarter and better at speaking French.
