As of seven days ago I knew two things about golf: one, that you had to be quiet for way longer than I ever thought was humanly possible, and two, that the clap you give after a shot is the same one you give to the guy who wears the Hawaiian shirt to a party. So needless to say, when I showed up to my new nanny job and the house happened to back right up to a golf course, I was in for a whole deal of learning experiences. I watched day after day as men hit their balls into the lake at hole 18, and occasionally into our yard, to which we would race downstairs and out back to see what kind of "prize" we had acquired. On Thursday, I even showed up to the driving range (which I called the hitting range and was quickly corrected) to learn a few things.
Most importantly, I learned my golf game is about as good as my dating game. Along with this awful truth, I also spent a lot of time watching and reflecting on the men of golf. I love an athletic boy: broad shoulders, thick biceps, the whole shebang, but often this stellar body type comes with a less than stellar personality. After scoping out some young hunky golfers (which is much harder than you'd think considering the general age range of the men is between retired and on their way to the grave) I started to contemplate why dating a golfer was a good idea. They are athletes after all, right? Here's what I've discovered:
Men who play golf are extremely honest. They play 18 holes of a terribly slow game in all types of weather with no one watching over their shoulder, no referees, and no little 9 year old snitches. On any given day, cheating one's self or others would be easy and you'd probably get away with it, but they don't.
Men who play golf have patience. Well not all of them... I heard some curse words, but for the most part, playing a four hour game takes copious amounts of patience. This trait will hopefully translate beautifully when he's waiting for you for four hours at the mall.
Men who play golf have great taste in clothing. Dating a golfer means that you can always count on him showing up to dinner in a nice collared shirt. I can't promise it won't be lime green, but at least it will be collared. You have to pick your battles, right?
Men who play golf are really just boys who like to race golf carts. Let's not pretend that the men don't race each other from hole 17 to 18 in their golf carts like it's a theme park ride that's about to be retired. I've seen them hit about 30 mph on those things, and their smiles are priceless. You have to love a grown man who can have a little fun!
While I still have much to learn about this game of golf and the men who play it, I am impressed with it so far. As of last week, I thought it was a whole bunch of rich business men on their lunch breaks, but now I've realized that these men may have more to offer than their golf swing and a firm handshake. Maybe we need to stop fantasizing over the meat heads at the gym and consider dating real athletes.
