" God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference." -Reinhold Niebuhr
As someone who is cursed with both extreme perfectionism and a Type A personality, I am a planner. I wake up in the morning and plan out how my day is going to go, what tasks I need to accomplish by what time, and what I want to eat for each meal of the day. I start making weekend plans on Monday and I plan out in my head the outfits I want to wear each day for the rest of the week. My life revolves around plans. I absolutely despise when plans change at the last minute or when someone or something ruins my plans.
As a perfectionist, I like to know exactly how things are going to go. I have this understanding within myself that if I plan out every single thing in my life that it will all go exactly as it's supposed to and will only end in success. However, this clearly isn't the case. Life is unexpected. We're lucky if anything goes as planned. You can imagine the stress and pressure this puts on a person with a mindset like my own. I'm telling you all of this because I recently struggled with a huge change that is about to occur in my life. I followed the plans that I've had laid out for myself for years and they only led me to unhappiness. I've decided to put my pride aside and simply do what makes me happy, rather than strictly following my plans. In doing this, I have had to learn to accept that things change and that, sometimes, there's nothing I can do except adapt to my surroundings and just let things happen. I'm still working on this, so I'm not entirely sure how it goes, but I'm going to try my best to explain it.
Since freshman year of high school, I've known what I wanted to do with my life, what college I wanted to attend, and in what profession I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Everything went exactly like it was supposed to for a while. I did my best in high school and graduated top of my class, just as planned. I got accepted to what I thought was my dream school. I was so excited that everything was going the way I wanted it to. Part of me couldn't believe how easy it was. The next thing I knew, I was in college, a couple hours away from my family, friends, and everything that I love. I was chasing my dreams, but I just didn't have the passion for them anymore. I found out that following my dreams meant nothing to me if my loved ones weren't around to share my success. I thought I was doing what I wanted when I came to this school, but I've been unhappy since day one. There have been many instances in which I considered going home one weekend and never returning. However, the perfectionist in me insisted that I at least see it through until the end of the school year.
Eventually, I realized I was so unhappy that I could barely stand it. No matter what it took, I needed to make myself happy again. I thought about it for a while and I decided that I am the happiest when I'm surrounded by the people I love. I know it sounds stupid, even as I'm typing it right now. I know it makes me sound weak.. fragile, even. All things aside, I want to be closer to home. I want to be around people who know me and love me, not a bunch of strangers that have no desire to understand me.
In making the decision to transfer to a school that's closer to home, I was forced to accept the fact that my plans would have to change drastically. I'd never really considered a Plan B because I was so bound and determined that Plan A would be successful. In changing schools, I'll also have to change my major because the school I'm attending next semester doesn't have it available. This transition is going to be bittersweet, for sure. Part of me is ecstatic that I can finally go home for good and wishes I had chosen that school from the very beginning. The other part of me is saddened that such a long-pursued dream is fading away, never to return.
Here comes the part about learning to accept things.
Coming to terms with this change that's about to occur in my life has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The entire process was nothing but lonely, depressing, and downright tough. I've spent a lot of time basking in my own misery and woes. After months of hardship, I think I have finally accepted what will be the end of one plan and the beginning of another. I've learned that it's okay when things don't go as planned. As much as it may drive me crazy on the inside, I know that I will end up exactly where I'm meant to be, doing what I'm meant to do, with the people I'm meant to be with. Besides, God doesn't close one door without opening another.
"What is meant for you won't pass you by.." -Unknown
