I've been an anxious person since I can remember. I wasn't officially diagnosed with any type of anxiety disorder until high school, but I guarantee that I have had at least one for most of my life. Living with anxiety has changed who I am. It's odd to imagine who I would be without the disorders. There are days where they make life more challenging than it needs to be, but it is getting easier.
The situations/behaviors I am about to present to you are ones that I never really noticed were strange until I realized that not everyone is an anxious mess. I hope you are able to find some humor in them, as I have.
1. Being super jumpy
I was that kid (and still am) who people scare on purpose - it's not difficult to do. Being anxious means you're probably always on edge, and even the most minor sounds/movements/touch can push you over the edge. Just the other week I chucked my phone (completely unintentionally) because of someone dropping a metal container in the dining hall. It provokes a fight-or-flight response, followed by anger. It's irritating, to say the least.
2. Avoiding literally every party
I'm not the type of person that gets invited to parties... ever. However, I know that I do have absolutely zero desire to go to one. My first response to someone (usually an acquaintance) inviting me to a get-together is: NOPE. Not unless there are going to be at least two dogs.
3. You're constantly second-guessing yourself
It doesn't matter how minor your decisions are, you always doubt whether you've made the correct one. If you're an artist, you're rarely pleased with the work you have done. It's being your own biggest critic but escalated by 10. It's not just about being humble, it's thinking you aren't good enough.
4. You probably sweat... a lot
This can easily be caused by other things: the weather, the clothing you're wearing, exercise, other medical conditions, etc. However, it becomes a legitimate problem when you're anxious. For example, I always sweat profusely on first dates, job interviews, and anything I'm relatively nervous about. It's a great look.
5. Ordering your own food was still difficult past age 11
Restaurants have always been a source of anxiety for me. As a child and a pre-teen, I had lots of anxiety about them. Ordering for myself seemed like an impossible task. I've obviously moved past this, but it definitely was an issue longer than it needed to be.
6. Sometimes you'd rather die than make many decisions
Why is it so difficult to choose something at a restaurant? We care too much. It sucks being the reason why you sent the waiter away because you still can't decide on what to order. Don't know what you want to do on a Friday night? Neither do I.
7. You try so hard to look like you're "put together"
It's not easy living with anxiety. It's exhausting, it can get on your nerves, and it can prevent you from doing things you may actually want to do. Our society was not created with empathy for those with mental illnesses (though it does exist). You have to appear like you're doing just fine, even if you're not. It's OK not to be OK.
8. You obsess over everything
It's probably to an unhealthy degree. You have a lot of nervous energy, and you need to find something (or someone) to direct it towards. There are coping mechanisms to assist in this, but it's easier said than done. Your brain repeats the same things, and you may have some intense, irrational fears or phobias. You make it worse by obsessing over it, but you can't stop.
9. When you're sick, you're convinced that you're dying
This happens to the best of us. If someone in my family had a cold, I would lock myself in my room and worry myself sick - literally. I would make myself sick from anxiety. Don't be me, be realistic. I've luckily chilled out since then, but I am 95.3% sure that I'm dying whenever I am ill or have a random body pain.
10. You're really sensitive to criticism
To relate this back to #3, any kind of criticism can validate any negative feelings you have about yourself and bring you down to a low point. Someone confirming what you were already thinking or feeling can be a bigger blow. This is something I know I personally need to work on, especially as a writer. Just because one person may insult/dislike my writing, it doesn't make me a bad writer. Drill that into your head: one person's opinion of you does not make it fact.
