I understand that even though it is 2016, it is still taboo to talk about mental illnesses. I could go off on a rant of how mental illnesses should be treated like physical illnesses, but I know there are other ways to get the message across.If you will indulge me for the rest of this article, I am going to describe what a panic attack feels like firsthand.
You notice something slightly off, but you can’t tell what it is. Right now, your pulse is rapidly escalating. In fact, your thoughts are probably racing faster than Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (R.I.P.) in any of the "Fast and Furious" franchise movies. Jumping from one extreme to the next. Avalanching down the slippery slope arguments that our own minds like to use against ourselves. By now, you can feel your veins expand to the brink of bursting. Your breaths have become so shallow that you start to drown in your own thoughts. Truthfully, this further adds to your panic attack, but the rollercoaster has only just begun.
Now you are truly becoming incapacitated by your own body. You collapse down onto your bed (if you are lucky enough that this happened at home) and curl into a small ball like a roly poly. You want to limit as many stimuli for your senses as you can. Lights hurt, so you close your eyes. Your mouth dries, but not even Niagara Falls would sate it. Your inner voice becomes so loud that you can’t think straight. You can only hear your own heartbeat in your ears. Anyone trying to talk to you becomes muted as you focus on controlling this untamable stallion.
You start to feel extremely cold, even shaking slightly. Even the most secure pillow fort or mountain of blankets couldn’t save you from the chills. But your hands feel on fire, but no amount of heat will evaporate the sweat coming from your palms. Eventually your body will even begin to block internal stimuli. Your arms and legs leaden so not even Superman could move them.
Your body will stay in this awfully sensitive state until the symptoms dissipate as suddenly and gradually as their onset. That could be minutes. It could be hours (My personal “best” was 11 hours of feeling, hearing and seeing everything on the loudest, most vivid volumes). There is no way of knowing when it will go away, but you rest uneasy knowing that it has to end eventually. Even after it is over, you feel the effects. You feel exhausted like you just ran the Boston marathon. You lose your appetite because you wouldn’t even be able to appreciate the taste of the food. You even start to worry about when or where the next attack will strike.
Panic attacks are not as uncommon as you think. Almost everyone experiences this feeling at least once in his or her life. Some people have it happen in their late 50s and it is called a midlife crisis. Others have it daily with no discernible triggers.
This article probably won’t change any minds today, but maybe it is enough to foster understanding for a normal occurrence. Maybe now you have realized that you have had one of these unspeakable panic attacks (Gasp!). Think about finals week of college where all you wanted to do was throw in the towel. Maybe that “hot flash” feeling that made you decide to go to sleep instead of studying any longer was just the start of a mild panic attack.
