When I was little, I would hide behind my mom's legs if someone I didn't know tried to talk to me. When I was in middle school, I'd talk to anybody and everybody whether I knew them or not. Now, in my freshman year of college, I am a combination of both. Some people describe me as outgoing but others would say I'm shy. It all depends on who you ask. I'm loud and probably pretty annoying around people I'm close to. Basically any other situation that requires me to be around people I'm not comfortable with is where I become shy. That's why "extroverted introvert" is a pretty accurate description.
Sometimes I just prefer being alone and a lot of people just don't get that. They think that "being alone" means being lonely or having no friends. It's quite the opposite. I prefer to be alone because it gives me time to relax and think about myself. I don't have to put on any type of face for anybody. The energy that's required to go out with friends is sometimes just too much for me. I'm not lazy, I just prefer nights spent watching tv or doing homework sometimes.
It gives me time to recuperate from any previous social activities. I'm not the easiest person to convince to go out in the first place. Every time I'm asked to do something, an internal debate begins in my head. "What if it isn't worth getting out of bed and putting makeup on? It'll probably be the same thing we always do and I'll just stand in the back keeping to myself as usual.
But what if it's different this time? What if I come out of my little shell and actually have a good time?" I typically make myself get up and go because I don't want to miss out on anything. No regrets, right? About half the time, I find a way to open up and break loose a little and just have some fun.
I absolutely do not enjoy talking to strangers. If I can avoid it, I will. I will happily admit that I am shy. I don't know how to strike up a conversation and I'm okay with that. I'm scared of being awkward or having nowhere to go after the casual, "Nice to meet you!" And small talk just seems so pointless to me. I care so much more about things deeper than your favorite color or whether or not Beyoncé performed well last night. If that's all that's going to be talked about, I'd much rather save my energy and just not talk at all. Conversations should be meaningful. They should have a purpose. I talk to a person to get to know them, not to inquire about the weather.
All of this makes me sound like I hate meeting new people, but I really don't. I love making new friends. I just don't enjoy pointless conversations with a new friend which is why I have a very hard time keeping a friendship. I mean who wants to be friends with someone who only wants to talk about lifelong dreams the first time they ever meet? That's a little awkward and it makes whoever I'm meeting not particularly want to talk to me again. There's also my own personal problem with maintaining friendships.
After meeting someone, I just don't make an effort to stay their friend. I never feel like texting and I'm always to nervous to ask them to hang out again. And that's just another reason my group of friends is rather small. They understand that I'm not always going to want to go out and that I'm probably not going to be the one asking them to hangout. They keep me in mind and check up on me when I choose to stay home.
Some people may think being an "extroverted introvert" isn't even possible. Even more people than that probably think it's weird. It's just who I am though. I love to go out, but I love to stay home just as much. And I don't see anything wrong with that.
