What It Is Like To Be A Floater

What It Is Like To Be A Floater

We can fit in everywhere but also nowhere at the same time.


Being a floater in society is an odd thing. You know everyone but also no one at the same time. You do not have one person or group you go to for everything. Instead, you go to multiple people or groups for help/advice, but most often only on a surface level. You have so many connections with people, but most of them are not very deep connections. You're never the focal point of a group, but you're always there, just kind of floating around. You're acknowledged, but you're never the person who is the life the party. Being a floater can be hard to explain, but here are some characteristics of a floater personality.

You don't Have One go to Person

Are you not able to relate to someone when they say something like, "I go to my best friend for EVERYTHING!"

People who are floaters will not be able to relate to or understand this. We go to multiple people for things. We don't have that one go-to person who we tell everything to. It changes day-by-day. We might have a 'best friend' but we don't tell them everything. Something I don't tell my best friend, I may tell someone else instead because I'm feeling closer to that other person in the moment. We float around, which is a blessing and a curse. The good part is we can talk to multiple people and get different perspectives, which can help us see every side and solve a problem with multiple solutions at our disposal.

The bad side is we might put our trust into someone who has not proven themselves to be trustworthy. I've told some people about my personal issues the day I met them, and somehow the next person I would talk about it would already know what my issue was, and sometimes I would get judged for it. Sometimes, it flat out sucks not having one person or group.

You Try to Please Everyone

This is the one I relate to the most. When you do get super close to someone, you try way too hard to make them happy because you're so excited that you think you finally have that one person to confide in for everything! Then you screw it up somehow. It happens every single time. We enjoy making connections but have trouble taking time to make them. It's either there right away or it's not for us. If it is there right away, we think we can tell that person our deepest secrets and worries right away, and sometimes people aren't ready for that. Some people think that getting that personal with someone so quickly is not great, and as a result, they might push away, or tell us that we're not that close yet. What I hear is 'We're never going to be that close. I can't be your person.' and then I drift away, afraid to confide in that person again out of fear of upsetting them.

There is No One Place to Call Home

A big thing I have noticed that is different for me is that I don't have that one place to call home. It changes a lot. Some days, it is my actual, physical home. Other days, it might be my college a Capella group, my High School theatre group, the field where I played Little League, etc. It changes all the time. If you asked me today what home was for me, I couldn't give you an answer because I don't have one specific home. I float and feel able to call a different one home almost each day. You don't feel comfortable enough in calling just one place home. You can't choose one place to call home, and sometimes no place chooses you. Yeah, it can be a little defeating knowing that you're never going to have that one place, but it's nice knowing that sometimes you might have multiple options.

You'll Remember Our Name, but Nothing We Did

Okay, let me explain this one. So, if you meet a floater, you will remember their name, maybe. You definitely won't remember us for the cool party trick or the person who was the one making everyone laugh because that's not us. We'll greet people, and talk to them, and make a few people laugh, but we're not going to be the one person you remember meeting from the party. I don't know how many times I've heard the line "Where do I know you from Jacob?"

You'll remember meeting us because we probably talked for a minute, but we won't do anything to make ourselves stand out in a crowd, so chances are you won't remember any details about us or how we met.

Relationships are TOUGH

This isn't just romantic relationships. Any relationship is tough for us. Family relationships are always weird because growing up you're taught that your family is your rock and what you always lean on, and a floater just simply doesn't know how to rely on one group. We're our own rock and foundation. Friendships are always difficult. We don't always know how to confide in one person. Timing is not our strong suit. If we think we can get close to someone, we may out of the blue say something really personal about ourselves, hoping that we're making the right choice in who to confide in. Don't get me started on romantic relationships though because oh boy, that's rough.

Imagine being in a relationship as a floater. You're supposed to tell this other person literally everything, but you can't always do that. I'd imagine that must be annoying for a partner. As a floater, I would understand it more, but for someone who is not a floater that must be really frustrating. We also never have that one person to always hang out with, so it feels awkward just trying to hang out with mainly your significant other. When I've been in relationships, I've never seen my S/O the most out of anyone. I just couldn't do it in all honesty. It feels so weird to just have one person. It almost seems wrong sometimes.

We Fit in Everywhere, but Also Nowhere

We know so many people, but we don't know people. There are a lot of people I know on a surface level, but nothing else. I see a lot of people get greeted with a hug or that excited voice raise, but when I say hi to someone, I'll usually get a nice 'Hey bud, how's it going?'

We're always an outsider. We know we fit in with a lot of people, but we also don't approach a lot of people we know because we just know we're not extremely close to them. We know we can fit in, but we also think we barely fit in. We're never the main part of a group, so sometimes it's just hard to feel like we fit in. Being there is not an issue. We float, so we can join almost any group. In that sense, yeah we can fit in anywhere we go, but it's because we only do that; fit in. We will never stand out, so it's easy to forget about us, which is why we also never truly fit in. That sounds complicated, so let me explain it like this: You're with a group of friends, right? They're having this AMAZING party and you got invited. You get there, and through the window see everyone talking, laughing, getting greeted with hugs, etc. Then you get to the door.

You don't just open the door like everyone else because you're not that close with the person hosting. You knock on the door, and the host opens it. They might say hi, or thank you for coming or shake your hand, but it's not the same excited greeting everyone else received. You awkwardly take your coat and shoes off for a minute before someone tells you to put your shoes by the door and throw your coat on the bed or in the closet. At this point, maybe one or two people notice you and say hi. They might ask you casual questions like 'How was your day?' or 'What are you majoring in again?' but they won't stay and talk for long. You won't either. You get in and just kind of float around for a couple of hours. After an hour or two, those last few people notice you and ask the infamous question, "When did you get here?"

That's a question floaters get ALL. THE. TIME. We're used to it. That's what I mean by we fit in everywhere, but also nowhere. Sure we'll come to the party, but we won't have that one person we talk to the whole time. Not everyone will scream our name in excitement when we walk in the room. That stuff just doesn't happen for us. We're very rarely the center of attention. When we are, it's the literal five seconds of fame moment. For five seconds, you'll be the most popular person in that room. A floater can't keep that attention though. We don't know how to handle it.

Floaters are complicated people. We're like that riddle you couldn't figure out as a kid. The only difference is there's no one answer to this riddle. We constantly move around to different places and people. If you're close to a floater, consider yourself lucky. When we find someone we feel we can trust, we're loyal. We won't ditch you because we go through that feeling almost every single day. You can confide in a floater for ANYTHING. We might not tell you everything about us though. Something that happened today, I might not even tell my closest friend for another week. Some people might see being friends with a floater as difficult, but I promise you it's not.

We're not expecting you to be there for us all the time, and we won't pressure you into doing so. The bottom line about a floater is this: We're going to try and be everywhere knowing we can't. That's just how we are. We only leave when we're not feeling welcome. We're different but also proud of that. We won't have one place to go for the rest of our lives. We keep finding new places and people to go to, and that is the most beautiful thing about being a floater; We always move on and are able to find multiple things that make us happy.

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To My Best Friend Who Taught Me What True Friendship Is, I Can't Thank You Enough

"To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding."

Dear Best Friend,

You have been a part of my life for quite some time now. You have seen my good, bad, and ugly sides and have stuck by my side through it all. I don't know if I could ever find the words to truly thank you for everything your friendship has given me, but I am definitely going to try.

Our lives have taken some twist and turn these past few years, but we have stayed strong through it all.

Thank you for judging me just the right amount.

Throughout our friendship, I have made some very questionable decisions. A lot of people would say "thanks for never judging me," but I feel like everyone needs a best friend who's going to tell them how it is, to tell them when they are about to make a bad decision or how to avoid something worse from happening. You have always told me how it is (even when I don't always want to hear it), but I know that I can come to you whenever I need someone to set me straight.

You're always down to do nothing with me.

I think that you are the one person that I can call up to hang out and do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. From the nights sitting in and playing card games to ordering Chinese food and watching an entire Netflix series while I dance around with the cat: I know that we could do anything, and nothing together and it would be fun.

But also, you're always down to get lit with me.

I swear one day we will be two old moms at a bar drinking vodka crans and laughing about the stupid shit our husbands and children do. You're always down to go out and have a good time. Even if everyone else we're with is miserable, we find a way to laugh at ourselves.

You are one of the few constant things in my life.

I've lost a lot of friends in my life, but you have stayed by my side through everything. I can't remember the last time we actually fought about anything, but even when we do we can't stay mad at each other for more than a day. I know we will be in each other's lives until we literally keel over.

I want you yo know that you're the strongest person I know.

You've dealt with things that not many people go through ever in their life. You have always been so mature, and you handle everything with grace. You inspire me every day with your goals and successes and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments.

Above all else, you deserve the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in your own mind and think that you deserve the things that happen to you, but please know that the only thing you deserve is happiness. Please settle for nothing short of that. It may take a bit to find your happiness, but I will be there every step of the way. You're a remarkable human being, and I want nothing but the best for you.

To the person who will hold your heart someday, please do not break it. To the person who may wrong you, you will regret it forever. To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding.

You, my best friend, future bridesmaid, godmother of my children, the person to bail me out of jail, the one who lets me cry on their couch for twelve hours,

I love you.

I will cherish our friendship forever. Thank you for being you.

Love always,

Your best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Ranieri

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Dear Fellas, Consistency & Communication Is All We Ask For

So, why aren't we getting the same?


Dear fellas (who fall under this category of course),

As you can tell from my title, it's time to talk about the problems with MOST guys in today's generation. This article isn't meant to bash all of you, but most of you need a reality check when it comes to. I'll start with this:

It's really annoying when most of you guys start a good conversation with us and then it eventually dies out because you lose interest in us. You even label things as "the talking stage," which to this day, I still don't understand the purpose of that. You come in our messages and go for long periods of time, only to message us weeks later like nothing happened. The excuses are tiring and pathetic, yet you claim that you care and you were just busy with work/school.

READ HERE: Having A 'Talking Stage' Proves Why Millennials Suck At Dating

What I do know, is that if you actually cared about someone, you would be invested in that person and not disappear. We shouldn't always have to be the ones to triple text and make an effort. Once we find our self-worth, its hard to settle for less at this point. If you don't feel the same way, please communicate with us and let us know. There's one thing people hate and that's wasting precious time. If you do "like us," be consistent. We don't appreciate the half-of-everything type.

READ HERE: 25 Annoying Phrases Guys Use When They Aren't Feeling You Anymore

Life is short and it's time to grow up.

Also, notice how I keep saying "most" of you guys. However, if you feel offended by this article, it's probably you who needs to change.

Thank you for coming to my unofficial TED Talk!

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