For all my life I have set myself to a higher standard. Is there a reason why? Not necessarily, but I feel like I have the potential to reach more, especially when people doubted me in the past. I never like to settle for less or believe that I should just try things once and move on. I keep at it until I feel comfortable.
You will have self-doubts sometimes
Having doubts on what you're capable of is one of the worst feelings ever. It is probably the worst part about having self-pressure because you want everything to work out perfectly and accordingly, as you planned. But, then... Life happens and ruins those plans.
You will cry and be angry with yourself
Sometimes I ask myself why do I do this to myself and just start to have a series of questions floating around my head. Ultimately, it just gets to the point where I become surrounded by negative thoughts and emotions, and begin to cry from that negativity.
You will sacrifice your sleep (more than you should)
Sleeping at 12 am is early (for me on a school night), but when you have a lot of work to do. Staying up is difficult a few extra hours after that, but you do it anyways. In the past 4 days, I got less than 20 hours of sleep. Not healthy or ideal at all.
You will set high standards
I set high standard for a lot of things, even for guys. I am a picky person because I don't want things I have hopes and dreams for to just vanish or turn out the complete opposite of what I wanted. And yes, I know it's bad, and I've certainly tried to lower my standards. But this is the way I am, and I have come to my consensus on it.
You will have headaches often...
Some caused by the crying, and some caused by all of the things you have to get done in 2.5 hours, workload from school, stress, and all of the above.
People will notice that you put too much pressure and will tell you to cool it
As my dad likes to say to me when he sees that I'm stressed, " You cannot put the world on your shoulders. You can't always be the solution to every problem." It's reassuring to hear that I'm doing good and that I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself, but it still doesn't stop me or relieve my stress and the pressure I put on myself.
You will overthink (A LOT)
Another reason I always have a headache.
You get stressed easily
My life literally equals stress. There is never a day where I am not stressed. Even in the summer I tend to get stressed, and that is just because as someone called me earlier this week, I am a "perfectionist". I won't even deny it either because it makes sense on why I have these certain qualities.
Preparing for those days of under pressure + self-pressure
I can be a procrastinator sometimes, but it got a lot better when I entered college. However, there has been a couple times this semester where I had something due in just a couple hours and I worked so fast, without looking at my phone and getting distracted. I actually found that I work better because of the close deadlines and it makes me focus more, whereas if I was assigned to do it a few weeks ago.
You tend to be an overachiever
I certainly am an overachiever, but I don't rub it in people's face or let it show that am. I'm an overachiever because I know what my capabilities are, and I've worked hard to get to where I am. Overachieving comes with self-pressure because you always want to improve a little more than the day before.
You will worry about the littlest things
I worry about EVERYTHING, especially the things that I have no control over. I plan things that I want happen even years from now, and I expect it to happen that way, but I've been slowly working on thinking a bit more realistically. We cannot plan everything from the time we are born to when we die because things happen when they are supposed to and sometimes even out of the blue.
You never quit when it gets hard
You will fight so hard until you can't anymore.
You have mental battles constantly
Back in high school when I ran Track & Field, I constantly had mental battles with myself because my legs and mind were telling me two different things. It got so tough for me because I would keep hearing "She's right behind you", "Come on, push the pace a little bit more" or "Keep going! Don't let her pass you." Because my teammates and coaches were counting on me, I had no choice but to fight off the urges of letting someone beat me. I did lose races, even the ones I could've won, and I would beat myself up for it, but then I realized that there is practice the next day, and I can channel the fuel and disappoint from the post-race.
I've been living with self-pressure for most of my life. It got worse in high school because I had certain goals that required me to work my ass off, which I've done all my life, prior to high school. But I want to make my family proud of me and they are more than proud of me. They even brag about me to their friends, especially my dad. He brags about me at his job to his co-workers and then tells me, " I say that my daughter has a 4.0, is graduating from two honors societies, and is a 3-time athlete". And just seeing how proud my dad and the rest of family are of me, I feel like I have to continue so that I won't let them down, or even ruin that image they have of me accomplishing all my goals.
It's extremely hard to live like this because I never have time for myself, and it's important for me to have a social life and to have a healthy mind, but it's not easy for me. I've adapted to this unhealthy lifestyle that has affected me emotionally and mentally. Self-pressure is a real thing. I remember in high school, most of my classmates that were also dealing with this were constantly stressed about their GPA's, class rank, AP Classes, breaking their mile time (*hands up emoji*), etc.
One thing I learned about having self-pressure is that I am a lot stronger mentally and emotionally than I ever thought, and if it wasn't for having this pressure I probably would've have known how far my abilities reach (which still has some more reaching to do).