I woke up early this morning rather confused..I barely slept last night because of some anxiety surrounding work, school, and my future (per usual) and had expected to wake up much later in the morning because of my late-night worries. To my surprise, I found myself rising with the sun but can certainly say that I wasn’t anywhere near as cheery as the glistening sun should’ve made me – especially following a week of rainy, dreary weather. As the sun was covered up by clouds, I found myself buried in pillows and my fluffiest blankets and my (seemingly) ever-increasing misery. I had allowed a week’s worth of anxiety and troubles to trap me indoors on a beautiful, crisp Saturday morning. After a couple hours of drifting in and out of sleep and watching Sex and the City, wishing I could live even half the life of Carrie Bradshaw, I forced myself to at least sit up and, at that point, I gave myself two options: I could stay in bed all day, not doing much more than what I was already doing or I could get my ass out out of bed, emerging from underneath my cloud of bedding and go to my favorite yoga class. I had no reason to stay home and after checking the clock, I realized I had just enough time to get dressed, brush my teeth and head over to class. So, I signed up for the class and went. While I thought my body wasn’t really ready for a tough Vinyasa flow, I knew I wanted to see my favorite instructor and hear what he had to say about tackling the weekend ahead. I set up my mat in my favorite spot in the room, stretched through my hips and hamstrings and fell back into child’s pose, which my instructor often refers to as “your pose,” a pose to return to "when you feel lost in the flow" or simply just need a breather from the strenuous activity on your legs, back, etc. during the class.

The class was hot and tough and exactly what I needed. I realized that I had been able to separate my body and mind for almost a whole hour – I didn’t waste the time worrying about next fall, next week, or even this evening, instead I focused on what my body was telling me throughout the class. I listened to my body, moving when I needed to, pushing my poses past their usual potential, while also holding back when my body and mind disconnected too much and I was finding myself out of balance. By the time we reached shavasana, my instructor presented us with a question, “what is your next move?” I took this out of the context of my yoga class and decided to apply it to the rest of my life, or at least the rest of my day. I had spent days struggling to know what my next move would be, worried I might make the wrong decision. My constant worry is certainly a long-lived, poor habit that needs breaking because it has forced me into years of second-guessing, isolating, and staying home when my friends and family are out having a good time. But today, after quite an eye-opening class, I realized something special – this morning offered an experience that helped me understand that I am in charge of my own life, I am in charge of my next move. This doesn’t mean it has to be a big move or anything out of the ordinary, but simply the choice to be present, to wake up in the morning, to be a friend, to be a kind person. I am learning to accept that simple actions will ultimately guide me to what my mind and body need in the future but obsessing over any of this before it even gets here absolutely will not help me move forward, or even backward really, it will just keep me stuck.

So as I approach the weekend and the new semester of school, I am choosing to ask myself throughout the day, “what is my next move?” and not allowing myself to think of anything more. It is certainly important to consider the future, at times, in order to properly plan, but when it comes to daily life, I am choosing to accept that my life will follow in a path that is guided by my simple actions. I have to trust that eventually that will bring peace to my anxiety and my constant worry that I am not making the right decisions. Trusting myself is key to my peace and my success. Trusting yourself just might bring you the same peace or something even better. By allowing yourself to let go and giving your body a time to speak louder than your mind, you might find some clarity and discover just what you really need.