About four or five years ago, going shopping for clothing was my least favorite thing in the entire world. The reason wasn’t because I disliked getting new clothes for myself. Rather, I never looked forward to trying new clothes on. Back then, when I would look in the mirror, I would never be satisfied with what I saw. I would judge my appearance more harshly than anyone ever should. Every little flaw, every small detail that I disliked, I would overthink it and drive myself further into a rut of not feeling good about myself. It was a hard thing to have to deal with, and in the end, it probably also affected my interactions with other people.
And then when I was a junior in high school, one of my best friends told me something that completely astounded me. She told me “If you don’t love other yourself, how can other people love you for who you are?”
Even though that advice affected me greatly, and set me on the path to accepting myself, it was by no means an automatic change. If you live so long in your life thinking that you dislike the way you look, there is almost no way to just automatically get in the mindset that you actually like your appearance.
For me, it was a journey. A very long and tough journey. It involved several diets, workout regiments, and a lot of mental confusion. There would be days when things would be looking up so well and then I would try a piece of clothing on and the entire day would be pretty much ruined. I would try to maintain a positive attitude and convince myself that I loved my body the way that it was, but more often than not I was just trying to trick myself. I hoped that the day would come when I wasn’t pretending.
I had a lot of people around me telling me that I should love my body. That it was nice, that it was beautiful, that there was nothing wrong with it. And I would always thank them for saying these nice things, but it was still hard for me to fully accept something like that.
It’s hard to know exactly when the breakthrough came, but come it did. I think the moment I realized there was a change was when I would day after day look in the mirror and the only thought I would have is “I like the way that I look.” The funny thing about it was that this acceptance came when I wasn’t even focusing on it. During the time, I was busy with school, a business, and personal relationships. Definitely not focusing on every detail about my self-image. And perhaps that was the key. Regardless of what it was, since that moment, there has been no looking back. I feel like I am finally at a point in my life where I am pretty much 100% comfortable with who I am and everything that has to do with me. I think if I could go back in time and give my younger self advice, I would tell myself that no matter how bad the self-criticism was, that a day like today, where I am myself and proud of it, is very near in the future.
Since accepting myself fully for who I am, I’ve found that it’s definitely affected a lot of aspects of my life. Putting on outfits no longer involves me opting for the most slimming color (black), and no longer makes me feel bad. Instead, it makes me feel confident and excited to be able to experiment with my style. Beyond that, I’ve found that my personal relationships have improved as well. Now that I love myself, it’s easier for me to be more myself around my friends and enjoy the relationships I experience.
Not liking yourself or the way you look is a very tough thing to deal with, and it’s definitely not an easy thing to get over. The most important thing is to just stay strong and remind yourself that you’re beautiful.
