When I walked into my sixth period class to find that the lights were off and the projector was lit up on a Thursday afternoon in March, my mind immediately turned to the nap I could squeeze in instead of the video we were supposed to be watching. Once the bell rang and the video started playing, I laid my head on my desk and started scrolling through my phone. I opened up my email: An Update to Your File, the subject read. I opened the attachment and wasn’t through reading the first line before my stomach dropped to the classroom below us and tears were welling in my eyes.
My biggest goal in life for many years was to attend the United States Military Academy at West Point in New York. It's my dad’s alma mater and I was always encouraged to apply. The application process officially began my junior year of high school, but it had truly started years before. I loaded a resume that only began with being captain of two varsity sports teams. But, that day in my Psychology class, my every dream, goal and aspiration ended. I would not be a member of the USMA Class of 2020. After class, I walked to my boyfriend in the hallway and only managed, “It's over,” before fully erupting into tears.
In the weeks that followed, I cried. A lot. My heart was broken, unlike any breakup I had ever had. No amount of ice cream and girl talk could soothe the hole that had been torn into my chest. Unable to bring myself to, I had to send someone else into my room to take down the pictures, posters, admissions letters and t-shirts I had collected over the years.
My parents and friends tried to comfort me, telling me that they understood, that West Point did not deserve me and I would just have to move on. I screamed back that they could not understand, that their entire life’s plan had not been taken away from them. I was terrible company to be around, prone to fits of crying. My unhappiness sat over me like a cloud, raining on whoever got close enough.
After spending time living under my own cloud, I slowly began to realize I would have to rewrite my plan because it wasn’t going to rewrite itself. Sitting down and giving up was not an option. Right around the corner were events that I could not pass up: prom, my last district track meet, my last choir performance and the decision date for many colleges. I could sit and mope and watch my future go by, or I could fight for everything I had worked so hard for.
Life kicked me in the teeth, but one day I woke up and decided to kick life right back. I danced the night away at prom and watched my best friend be crowned Prom King. I advanced through four rounds to the finals of the regional track meet with a new best time. I danced and sang my heart out with my best friends on stage for the last time. I toured two wonderful universities and decided on my home for the next four years. (Pony Up!) But, most importantly, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that I was, in fact, good enough to be someone, whether or not that person was a West Point cadet.
Finding success has never been a simple road. There will be days of endless victories, yet there will also be days that you just can’t win at all. But, just because you are going through a tough time does not mean you are worth any less. There will be people that cannot stand up to the bad days, but there will also be people who love you, support you and will never leave your side.
I fell down, hard. I struggled to get back up. But when I finally found the strength to stand, I learned that I am a fighter. And now I will continue to fight, to be a better student, athlete, leader, friend and to be a better me. I will fight to accept the cards that I have been dealt, and to be able to find a place where I can love myself and who I’m growing to be.
Like a famous wizard once said,
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light.”
