Many people in the world struggle with the mental illness, anxiety, including myself. It isn't something we voluntarily have, let alone want to have. But, it's something we have had to deal with our entire lives. Understandable, some people can feel anxious in certain situations, but more often than not, those people don't actually have anxiety. By definition, anxiety is a 'nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks'. Now, not everyone who has anxiety has the compulsive behavior or the panic attacks, but for me, panic attacks happen roughly every couple of days.
It's honestly hard to describe anxiety. It's hard letting people know that your anxiety isn't just a feeling that comes and goes; it's one that triggers in your mind every second of every day. It takes over at the worst possible moments. While just sitting in class, waiting for the professor to arrive, I get anxious. While waiting to go out on a Thursday night, I get anxious. While going out to a concert with my friends, ready for a great night of music and fun, I get anxious.
Here are a few things and a few ways to describe anxiety to people who can't quite get a grasp on what it really is.
- Anxiety feels like your heart is going to fall out of your chest at any given second because in the middle of that panic attack, your heartbeat rises to the highest it's ever been.
- Anxiety feels like your mind is literally on fire. You have a million thoughts running through your mind at once and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. You could be having a great conversation about, let's say, movies and all of a sudden a million other thoughts take over.
- Anxiety is leaving your dorm 30 minutes early for class even though your classroom is 10 minutes away because you're afraid of being late.
- Anxiety is seeing someone you used to like with someone else and your face getting bright red, your chest pounding out of your chest, and your hands getting all sweaty and shaky.
- Anxiety turns into panic attacks more often than not. Panic attacks come about you when you least expect it. You're throat feels like it's closing so it's hard to breathe, your stomach is in a huge knot, and tears fill up your eyes without you even noticing.
In all honesty, I've learned to deal with anxiety but I've never been able to let my friends and family know how to cope with it. When I'm in a bad mood, I don't intentionally take it out on you. I get frustrated because you guys don't understand how anxiety truly takes over my body and I have no control. When I say I don't want to go do something, don't take it personally. My anxiety physically and mentally won't let me do it. My depression can kick in when it pleases as well. I don't plan on getting into these mental funks, but it just happens. If I could have control over my anxiety, God it would've been gone the second I got diagnosed with it.
People with anxiety have many, many pet peeves. For instance, when we hear people who do NOT have anxiety say they do, our blood boils. It's a living hell having to deal with anxiety everyday, and it isn't just the feeling of being nervous. If you aren't medically diagnosed with anxiety, you don't have anxiety. If those people who say they have anxiety could live in my shoes for just one day, then they'd know how anxiety really feels. Getting told that "things get better" and that "this won't be a problem tomorrow" gets to be really annoying. Yes, we love having our tight little support group, but we know things won't get better because anxiety is a cruel, cruel thing.
If there's one thing I could say about anxiety, it's that I hate you with all my well-being. You've convinced yourself numerous times that you're no good for anyone and it's all anxiety's fault. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. But, for the most part, I've learned to deal with anxiety and I have it for a reason. I may never know what that reason may be, but I have to deal with it.
