As this year comes to an end, I've realized how much this year has transformed me into a much different human, both positively and negatively. It's been a year of some of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows, and I've discovered three things: breathe constantly, drink coffee, and frequently make mistakes.
Breathe constantly. I had a routine every summer that I adhered to for years and years, and that was to work at summer camp. This year was the first year I didn't go to camp, and it crushed me. It seemed like all of a sudden, the people I trusted, loved, and held dear were all gone. Poof. Vanished in a giant Douglas Fir scented puff of smoke. I went through the seven stages of grief, but I didn't lose any loved ones; I lost myself, and that was something that took a lot of grieving to get over and to process. In the midst of this, I decided to throw myself into all the opportunities I could: auditioning constantly, reading everything I could get my hands on, learning how to be my own advocate and my own best friend. During the summer, I took on an internship with a theatre company that was also quite transformative. I learned a lot about myself during the summer, but there's one moment in particular that really struck a chord with me.
One of the people in the company who has been there for a while had many offline conversations with me about everything from the way the company work to life in general. One day, we were talking in this beautiful park and he told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks: "Evan, sometimes you just need to breathe". That knocked the wind out of my sails and simultaneously brought the wind back into them. No one told me for the longest time to just breathe. I run around constantly, and dumbly, I never realized that breathing and taking a quick minute of composure was the thing that could help constantly. Since that moment, I've had that moment in my head and realized that most of my problems could be solved if I just took a breath. Just breathe, Evan. Just breathe.
Drink coffee. For me, coffee saved my ass this summer. Yeah, I get that that seems contrite and a little stereotypical, but I realized that some of the most serene moments of 2016 have taken place in a little cafe right across from campus. Park Avenue Cafe has been the scene of countless meetings about things like potential projects, grad school, first dates, second dates, awkward Tinder meetups, what have you. For those of you who are well-versed in old TV shows, walking into Park Ave is my "Cheers" moment. "Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name", and that's a lovely moment to have. I learned that having more of those moments make life special.
Lastly, I learned to frequently make mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes in 2016. I mean a lot of them. I said things that hurt people, I made choices that I'm not proud of in the field of love, I drank the pain away way too often and the amount of precarious situations that I ended up in reached a ridiculous level. I also realized that the only person I need to do things for is me. I'm okay. I'm important. I'm discovering how to be the best version of myself. So, thank you, earlier 2016 Evan, for making a ridiculous amount of mistakes. You learned a lot.
I also went on a vacation for the first time in years. I went to Washington DC and I realized that my passion for travel and for learning has been renewed. Now that the year is coming to a close, I'm glad I made those mistakes. I'm glad that I met people that I met. I'm glad I loved hard, lost harder and discovered a new side to myself. Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is yourself, and I've spent 2016 knowing that my imperfections make me who I am, and that's alright with me. Way to get through 2016, Evan. Proud of you, champ.
