Insecurities are one of the things that we experience more as we get older. We focus on what people think more and some of us let those pesky thoughts control us in too many ways. We will change what we wear, what we eat, and how we act in front of people. We will let our insecurities keep us shut in our houses or not talk to someone. I let my insecurities hold me back from doing too many things that I may not get the chance to do again.
I have let my insecurities eat me away. They stop me from buying that cute shirt because it won’t look right on my body and sometimes going to the gym when it’s busy and I regrettably make up excuses to not drive home to see the guy that I’ve been talking to and has made me feel great all because I’m afraid of him seeing what I see. I have let myself focus too much on what other’s think and perceive of me that I stopped doing a lot of things that make me happy. Granted I am well aware of this and have tried to change in a few ways. I speak my mind and make my opinion known depending the situation. I draw what I want despite what others may think when they see it. I’ve gotten more comfortable in my skin. It’s all about baby steps. I’m still too afraid to approach the cute guy in my dorm building, try to escape hearing myself on tape, sing only around the people I trust, look at myself with disgust in the mirror and all while I do these things I ask myself why.
Why do I let so many things distort my image? Why do I let one degrading comment continue to repeat itself in my head but completely disregard anything that’s uplifting? Dr. Lisa Firestone explains this best as “the critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.” I’m not blaming anyone but this is very true. Whether family, friends or advertisements we learn a lot about how we should act, look, and view others. We pick up on everyone’s ques around us and as kids, they watch even more. They watch their mothers get dressed and express that she’s too fat. The child may pick up on this though it is not towards them in any way.
It is hard to change your view when your sight has been tampered with for so long. It can be hard on you, and those that care about you. It can make people mad as well as yourself. Everyone has different insecurities so not everyone may understand. The scary fact of it all is that what you are seeing when you look at the mirror or think of yourself isn’t close to what the people across from you are seeing. So I get it. You think your too chubby, your stomach is too droopy, your words aren’t put together well, you’re not educated enough to speak on something, but you are. Maybe if we could sometimes listen to the nice things people say we could paint a correct picture of who we really are.
