I’ll never quite understand why I was so unhappy with my body. It could have something to do with constantly comparing myself to every woman who has ever set foot on the Victoria’s Secret Runway. Maybe its because my thighs lacked a gap, where theirs didn’t even touch in the slightest. Maybe its because my back had ever so slightly small love handles, where theirs didn’t even have a dimple. Or maybe its because I lacked the perfect “34-24-34” hourglass measurements, where they had curves in all the right places.
I had the realization that I was “overweight” around Christmas time of 2015. And by overweight I mean slightly heavier than I was on average. I say this in jest because I still looked good. I never look at a photo from that time and say “Ew” I look back at my old body and say “Dangggg, I looked good and healthy and happy.” That’s because I was and not to mention I was working out pretty frequently so I had some nice muscle tone. Hey, the muscles might have even been why the number on the scale was a bit higher. Anyway, about a week after Christmas I stepped foot on my scale. I cried when I saw the number. “How could I let myself go?” I thought. “I can’t believe I gained ten pounds!” At that very moment I made a pact to myself to take better care of my body and lose some weight so I did just that.
By about February I ate a pretty decent diet and worked out on the daily. This was giving me decent progress, but it was sooo slow. Something else had to be done. At that point I did a bunch of research regarding the best foods to eat for weight loss, the best eating techniques, and work out plans.
By about April I cut calories and ate only healthy things. I also stopped working out. The weight LITERALLY fell off. I was seriously so happy. At that point I didn’t care how I lost it, I was just glad it was coming off.
By about June or July my weight had plateaued…twenty pounds under what I had weighed in December. Ten pounds under my average weight. At that point I was content with how I looked and loved trying on all the clothing sizes I only dreamed of wearing. I didn’t take into consideration that my muscles were practically deteriorating or that I bruised so easily that if I bumped a golf club into my leg it’d leave a mark.
By about August I noticed that my body was drained. It wasn’t performing how it usually did. I was tired all the time. At that point I was starting to get concerned, realizing maybe I need to eat a little bit more. I changed my diet. Added more protein, carbs, and just raised calorie intake a bit. After all, I didn’t want to lose anymore weight, just maintain the weight I had lost. This seemed to do the trick because after eating more substantial foods I noticed a positive change in my energy level.
By about September I realized that although my energy levels were back up from consuming more calories, however, I was weak. I also had a lot of anxiety and was jittery a lot. At that point I decided to start working out again. I have been incorporating yoga, running, strength training, and plyometrics in my workouts. Changing it up keeps me interested in working out and gives me diversity. I’m hoping that these workouts will make me stronger and reduce my anxiety.
Looking back on it all, I think I was silly…stupid even…to ever be unhappy with my body. Our bodies are a beautiful gift from God and we should treat them as such. There is nothing wrong with my body in any way, shape, or form. From this point on I vow to myself to only eat healthy to improve my health and to work out to improve my physical and mental state. I vow to never compare myself to anybody because we are all different shapes and sizes. I vow to encourage others to love their bodies. I vow to love my body. And above all else I vow to treat my body like the temple it is. Hell, I only get one.
