“We would like to congratulate…” Anxiously, you listen and wait for them to call your name, but they call someone else’s. What do you do? Mind reeling, you try not to look too disappointed and congratulate the person who got it, but secretly wonder why your name wasn’t called.

We’ve all done it—applied for a position that we really wanted, gotten our hopes up and the job goes to someone else. Whether it was trying out for a team, interviewing for a job or asking someone out, everyone has dealt with setbacks. You don’t remember a time? Trust me, it has happened, even if someone picked you last on the elementary school freeze tag team.

In a world of overachievers, how do we get away from the pity of failures? There’s the classic “You’ll get it next time,” “You were robbed” and my least favorite, “When one door closes, another opens.” These are meaningless platitudes that people use to console us, but don’t really make us feel any better about the outcome.

Revelation time—maybe you weren’t the best person for the job so it didn’t work out. Accept it, but then turn it into a learning experience. Find where you are the best and try something else. Aim high, but if you fail, move on to something else. If you work on yourself and excel somewhere else, will you really care that you lost to some other person? Interestingly enough, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison and even Bill Gates were some of the many successful people who had to fail in order to succeed.

Going to a service academy, I know failure and I also know competition. From the first day of basic training to graduation day, we are competing for leadership positions among our peers. What I have realized from all the jobs I haven’t gotten is that there are many highly qualified people here and while I may be one of them, some of them may be a better fit for that job. I was given my favorite leadership role after I didn’t get a higher position. I am thankful that I was not chosen because of the valuable skills I learned in my new job. I don’t know if I was the best, but my superiors acknowledged that I was doing a great job, and I saw that I made a noticeable impact. I replaced my anger, sadness and regret with joy and pride. Looking back, I would not trade my disappointment because I set myself apart from everyone else and I found a new passion.

Through the rest of our lives, we all need to realize that there will always be setbacks. So when you experience disappointment, do not give excuses and do not let people make excuses for you. Be real. Acknowledge your failure and learn from it. It may take a day or two, or a week, but it doesn’t matter as long as you move forward on to the next challenge.

I don’t believe that when one door closes another opens. I believe that when one door closes, you need to take a breath and realize there are so many more open doors for you. They might even benefit you more.