Sometimes I'm thinking God made me special on purpose
Because I'm just what you made God
- Kid Cudi
This past Tuesday Scott "Kid Cudi" Mescudi checked himself into rehab due to depression, anxiety, and suicidal urges. He reached a point in his life where he realized that without this help he would not be able to live. He wrote an open letter to his fans and posted it on his Facebook page. This news shocked most of his fans because this was unexpected, especially from a celebrity of his status. In our eyes celebrities are supposed to be invincible but we too often forget that they are human too. He was met with love and support from fans across the world but he brought up issues that are a reality for most of us.
One in 5 adults experiences a mental health condition every year. One in 17 lives with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Half of mental health conditions begin by the age of 14, and 75% of mental health conditions develop by the age of 24. (National Alliance on Mental Health)
I've got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It's only right
This is the soundtrack to my life
- Kid Cudi
After reading his letter it hit home deeply. Each and every word he wrote resonated with me personally. I could empathize with his feelings not only do I personally know people with a mental illness, but I live with a mental illness.
From a young age I knew I was different, I was more emotional than most. My Mom always said, "Tyree, you like to wear your heart on your sleeve." I got along with most everyone but there was a part of me that would repel people at the same time. I would have frequent mood swings, one moment I could be happy, the next moment I could be sad. One moment I could be a social butterfly the next moment I would want to be in total isolation. One moment I could be depressed, the next moment I could be in a fit of rage.
People would say, "Oh my god, Tyree is so dramatic, he is so emotional" and run their mouths with other negative comments that would hurt. So eventually I got to a point where I would bottle up my feelings just to please others. I would express fake emotions just to keep the peace to avoid conflicts. I pushed away those who were close to me and looked out for my well being. I would smile on the outside but deep down or when I was alone at night I was hurting. I was miserable. No one understood the agony I put myself through.
Through it all I lost myself and I could not pinpoint why.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was institutionalized because I reached a dark period in my life after experiencing several traumatic life events that caused an imbalance. I was devastated because I now thought that I was crazy, and insane. I have hid it from people for the past two months because I was fearful of how people would view me and label me. When the reality of it all my brain is chemically structured differently than others.
While there I began to meet people like myself who came from all walks of life with different stories. Most of them talented beyond all belief. At the beginning when each person first arrived they were all angry and closed off but as time went on we opened up and I met some amazing people. Some of which I am still contact with today. When we all left we were a big happy family with skills and coping mechanisms to help us in our daily lives. We realized that not only was society down on us but most importantly we were down on ourselves. We labeled ourselves before others got the chance to even do so. We were our own worst enemies. Though we were there for different reasons, we were all the same.
Whether we are diagnosed or undiagnosed we all live with some form of mental illness. No brain and no person is perfect. We face anxiety, stress, depression, we talk to ourselves, we have trauma and mood swings, we are all a little hyper and distracted, we have obsessive-compulsiveness tendencies. I am still the same loving, caring, strong willed, outgoing person. I am still Tyree. Everything I have, you have the only difference is I am diagnosed.
In our society mental health is swept under the rug as if it does not exist and we must suffer alone until we hit our walls or tipping point to where there is no return. It is time that we as a people embrace our illnesses, stand strong, lend a helping hand, and provide support and love to one another. We are not alone. We must break the stigmas, break the silence. You are exactly who you are meant to be. There is more to us than meets the eye. We are not a label, we are not our illnesses.
"In the end they'll judge me anyways, so whatever." - Kid Cudi
