Why We Are Attracted to Broken People

Why We Are Attracted to Broken People

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Love is a complex emotion. It has the ability to encompass your whole being and take over not only your heart, but also your mind. Loving someone is not meant to be easy. It is hard work, but it is hard work you enjoy doing. Love leads to passion, sacrifice, happiness and sometimes heartbreak. It can lead to intense highs and intense lows. It is an emotion that truly encompasses all other feelings we can experience. Love, while so incredibly beautiful, can be so incredibly disastrous. Loving someone, the wrong someone, can be incredible catastrophic, yet loving the wrong people, the broken people who can do no good for us, is so incredibly attractive. But, why?

We like the challenge

Everyone is a fan of the chase. The success of getting the guy or the girl is so much sweeter when you had to fight to get it. Broken people are a particularly attractive challenge because you know that not many people have been successful. There are times when you may get discouraged, but then you get a glimpse at the soft inside of a guy with a tough exterior and continue to chase after him. You want to be the one he or she finally says yes to, so you chase and endure the challenge. 

We want to be their savior

There is a sense of pride that comes along with breaking down the walls of a closed off and broken person. We feel honored that after chasing for so long, we have finally broken through the wall and get to see a person that no one else gets to see. We strive to pull out every hint of goodness in them and fix, or lighten, the load of the baggage they have been dragging with them. We feel proud knowing that we bring out their best side and feel accomplished when we start to notice they are working to become a better and more whole person. Unfortunately, in most cases, these changes will only last as long as the relationship. Once you leave, the goodness you worked so hard to constantly bring out, will be kept to themselves as if nothing you did ever mattered. 

They make us feel special

We work hard to try to fix them, and the hard work does not go unnoticed. Often times, we are placed on a pedestal and looked up to as someone they strive to become. We are encouraged by family members and friends as they shower us with words of affirmation and tells us they have never seen him or her so happy and so full a life. We are constantly told that we bring out a side of him or her that no one has ever seen before. And that feels good. It is encouraging to know that all of the time we have invested chasing after them and trying to fix them is paying off, and it's noticeable by the outside world. 

We crave the passion

Being in a relationship with someone you are trying to fix, someone who is broken or carrying a lot of baggage, is a roller coaster. There are periods of immense high and heart shattering lows. It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, so it is exciting and different. It is unpredictable, and makes the whole relationship full of passion and emotion that you never want to let go of. You wonder how you could ever love anyone else because this love is all consuming and encompassing. It is the love you see in the movies, but it is also the love that hurts. And even though it's a love that can be painful, it's a love that you don't want to let slip because losing a love like that seems unbearable. 

We see a glimpse of ourselves in them

Everyone in this world is a little broken and has their fair share of baggage and past heart ache. When we meet someone with baggage and a heart full of pain, we see a piece of ourselves in them. We spend endless amounts of time pouring into their lives and working to glue the pieces of their heart back together because we hope that someone would do the same for us. If we felt the way they did, or experienced the emotions they are consumed with, we hope that someone would work to fix us and to mend our heart back together. 

Loving a broken or damaged person is not a bad thing, and I believe that everyone in this world deserves to be loved and to experience love, but loving someone, damaged or not, who does not pour into you like you do to him or her, can be catastrophic. Yes, it is a love that is all consuming and encompassing. One that keeps you up late at night and makes you feel proud and empathetic, but it is also a love that hurts and requires you to hold onto the moments of high to get though the moments of heart shattering pain. 

It is easy to be blinded by love and to lose sight of who you are when you are loving someone you are trying to fix. Relationships should be centered around a love that sharpens both people, a love that holds onto the goodness of each individual and constantly works to bring that out of each of them. 

Cover Image Credit: http://imgfave.com/collection/330916/lets-cuddle

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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5 Instagram Clothing Brands That'll Make You Wish You Had More Credit Cards

Instagram fashion labels have been all the rage lately, some more than others. Let's support some small businesses by taking a look at five Instagram "boutiques."

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I'll be honest: I indulge in retail therapy a little too much. I may or may not have a problem, but that's alright because at this point I almost always know where to go to get the cutest clothes. Keep reading to see five clothing stores you can shop, all from the comfort of Instagram.

1. Olivia Rose The Label — $$

Olivia Rose hand-makes and ships all of her designs from London, a testament to true entrepreneurship, ingenuity and dedication. Not to mention all of her clothes are gorgeous! She's been worn by everyone from celebrities — Dua Lipa most notably — to Instagram models. Most of her pieces tend to be in $100-200 price range, hence the two dollar signs.

This may seem a little pricey given the seeming simplicity of her clothing, but keep in mind it's all hand-made! My favorite designs have to be the Greta top and the Ophelia dress, both of which bring out the inner girly-girl in me. She is supposedly releasing a new collection soon, so be sure to keep an eye out!

2. Lisa Says Gah — $$$

Lisa Says Gah is a retail website that carries a variety of brands and is the epitome of breezy West Coast style that every girl dreams of achieving. Their selection consists of gorgeous dresses in interesting prints, unique blouses with a feminine flair and beaded bags that walked straight out of your childhood. Be warned, though, they are extremely pricey. Most of their pieces are out of the typical consumer's budget.

They do have a sale section though! There's still hope for those of us who can't afford to pay full price.

3. With Jéan — $$

With Jéan is based in Australia, and it shows. Their designs are infused with the golden rays of the Australian sun. They convey a sense of happiness and warmth that not all clothing has. Their prices are pretty similar to those of Olivia Rose, if not a little bit more expensive. However, their sales section is reasonable!

This shop and Olivia Rose are the closest to my personal style, but they're definitely not for everyone! If you have more of a risqué style, the shops below are for you!

4. Daisy — $$$

Another star-studded brand, Daisy has been repped by the likes of Cara Delevingne, Selena Gomez and Madison Beer. Their styles are the most risqué in this list. I am normally hesitant to wear anything revealing, but their looks are so cute that I'd be willing to break my sartorial M.O., as it were. Once again, they are pricey, so not everyone will be able to afford their clothing. You have been warned!

5. Motel — $

By far the most popular and affordable brand on this list, Motel Rocks has something for everyone. Whether your style falls on the "edgy" side, the feminine side or the stereotypical "Instagram model" side, Motel has you covered. They're the ones who invented that famous angel crop top, so they deserve quite a bit of credit! While you're checking them out, you should take a look at one of my favorite Insta pages, @beautyspock. I discovered this brand (and Olivia Rose) through her, so she's definitely one to watch if you like the stores on this list!

*This article is not sponsored*

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