I am coming up on my fourth year as a lifeguard, and while I love it, there just comes a time that you know you've been in the business too long. Whether you have been a guard for six months or eight years, all lifeguards will reach that point where they feel it's just time to throw in the towel. There are several tell-tale signs when you're fed up with this position, but I'm going to lay out the top 11 ways to tell that it is truly time to move on.
1. Yelling at children even when you are not working
When you are at a grocery store, or a park, or literally anywhere besides the
pool and you start yelling "Walk!!" at the top of your lungs to children
who start running, that's a good sign that you've been guarding for too long. Seriously, why do parents allow their children to run everywhere? Do they not realize how much anxiety this gives lifeguards?
2. Perfecting the rain dance to encourage lightning to happen
If you have ever worked at an outdoor pool or waterpark, you know exactly what the rain dance is. Basically all guards do a little dance and worship mother nature to strike the sky with lightning so that the facility will close. It really works, I swear. When I first started as a guard, I simply thought storms were cool but now I worship them! You have been a guard way too long if gloom and doom brings light to your days.
3. Judging all the guards when you visit a different facility
Nothing drives you more crazy than going to a lake with your friends and seeing this. It's like you're begging me to drown and test your skills! Someone code blue this man ASAP! I get being a lifeguard and being bored on stand, but at least look like you could save a life if you needed to. If this job has literally sucked the fun out of lake trips with your friends because you focus more on the guard than the lake, get out while you can.
4. You quickly change the station if "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees comes on
You learned how to properly do CPR to this song, and now you've never practiced CPR correctly again, especially if you're practicing with all your best friends that also happen to be guards. You hear this song so much during CPR practice runs that any other time you hear it, you instantly hate it. The only plus side is that all your in-services turn into sing-along dance parties.
While this is definitely the wrong way to do CPR, you have to admit it's pretty comical.
5. You know the paramedics by name
6. You sometimes wish kids would poop in the pool
If there's poop in the pool then we have to close for an hour. Basically that means we all choose an unlucky guard for clean-up duty, and the rest of us get a free pass out of guarding. When you see a small kid walk in, you can't help but pray a little for him to drop a bomb. For the record, this fake poop floater is real and fairly inexpensive if you look for it on Amazon.
7. Permanent awful tan lines
When you change out for the day you all can compare how bad your tan lines are, and if you're a guard without a bad tan then you are worshiped. Girls get the full bathing suit tan, and boys get that ridiculous shorts tan, so we all lose here. If anyone knows any ways to keep my body from looking like I'm permanently wearing a white suit, please fill me in. This tan lasts well into winter and still shows traces of it in the next summer, too.
8. You carry a whistle EVERYWHERE
9. On hot days you look for any reason to jump in the water
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You don't necessarily want anyone to drown, but you definitely would jump in if someone looks even the slightest bit sketchy. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be hot out for you want to jump in; you just want something exciting to happen. That annoying kid who kept mocking you when you'd enforce the rules? Yeah, definitely jumping in for him and embarrassing him in front of ALL his friends. It's all in a day's work.
10. The shocking realization that you might never find your way out
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My boss has been working at the pool for 15 years. He was actually the one who initially taught me how to swim. Good for him, though because eventually I became a strong, awesome guard. Still, if this is the only job you've ever had, finding a new one can be majorly intimidating. Its hard filling out resumes knowing that you don't exactly have any experience doing anything other than yelling at children, and that's not an award-winning trait. However, I must stay hopeful and I must choose to believe that there is something better out there for all of us! Just power though.
11. You actually start to secretly love your job
Without lifeguarding, I would not have met some of my very best friends. While there is a lot that I go through on a day-to-day basis with this job, the cons don't always outweigh the pros. Before guarding I simply went to school, came home and did homework then went to bed. Because of this job, I met my current boyfriend (we have been dating for over a year now, so go us), I met all my current friends, and because of that I now have study partners, party pals, and basically a crowd of people that I can turn to whenever I need. The friendships I have made at this job will last me long after I leave this position and move on. While I know I need to keep my eyes out for a new job, I also know that I will forever be grateful for the experiences I've had and the people I've met.
