As we ring in the new year, you would think that the transition between December and January, if nothing else, would affirm that we have undeniably and irrevocably entered the icy grip of winter. People all over the country are currently experiencing heavy snowfalls (well, heavier than no snow at all, anyway) and frigid temperatures, as would be expected this time of year. If you currently live in Virginia, however, you may have noticed a strange phenomenon as you stepped outside to get the morning mail: despite the dreary skies, lack of visible animal life, and apparently dead plant life, it’s actually quite pleasant outside!
Having lived in the greatest of the 50 states for my entire short life, I readily admit that schizophrenic, bipolar, and desperately confused weather patterns are nothing new here; it’s just one of many quirks that makes up Virginia’s charm. Still, it would be nice to have a white Christmas for a change, or at least not weeks that include maximum highs of 75 degrees and minimum lows of 25 degrees. Fear not, stalwart Virginians and others who bemoan the lack of snow! My unparalleled intellect has swooped in to save the day, and I now present you with 11 totally safe, 100 percent satisfaction-guaranteed, absolutely (not) serious ways to enjoy your favorite “snow day” activities without the snow!
1. Pining away for those lost days of snow-shoveling? Well, how about raking some leaves?
Manual labor is a blast no matter what season creates its necessity! (Dad, if you're reading this, pay no attention.)
2. You can totally make snow angels in the leaves that you haven’t raked.
Let’s face it, they’re not going anywhere anytime soon, and I’m sure that the consistency of dry leaves is exactly the same as that of wet snow.
3. Not an outdoors person? Build a makeshift igloo out of leftover boxes from the holidays or any other supplies on hand.
Okay, it's not so much an igloo as a child’s fort, but that’s what your imagination is for! Reduce, reuse, recycle!
4. A snow-less snowman is totally feasible.
What, am I supposed to think of everything for you? Use that brain, get creative! You can, ya know, stack some ice cubes on top of each other, or, uh, throw a white sheet and a hat over a vaguely conical object.
5. Snowball fights? You can have just as much fun with dirt, rocks, and acorns.
Oh, come on, it’s only just as bad as throwing snowballs packed with ice at your siblings.
6. Sledding? Not a problem! Find a vehicle and some rope, and skitch your way along.
A fool-proof, surefire plan. No risk involved whatsoever.
7. Hot chocolate? Sure, but why stop there? Chocolate of any kind works at any temperature!
This needs no explanation or endorsement.
8. You don't need winter weather to track animals with do-it-yourself-mud-fields.
Do you, like me, enjoy pretending you’re even the tiniest bit outdoorsy by attempting to track animals by the prints they left in the snow? Easy! Just let your garden hose run in your yard all night and the result should produce enough mud that just about anything moving will leave tracks.
9. Peeing your name in the snow? Who needs snow for that?
The police may have something to say about your whipping it out to leave your mark everywhere you go, but I say, "To heck with them!" Show the world that you own sidewalks, tree stumps, patches of sand, and anything else you come across.
10. Catch frosted flakes on your tongue instead of snowflakes.
All it takes is a dedicated friend standing on a ladder with a box of God’s chosen breakfast cereal, and you can recreate this magical winter moment any time of year.
11. Actually go out and enjoy the weather
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All kidding aside, we're pretty fortunate to still be able to walk outside in shorts, so be thankful that you don't yet have to contend with the worst winter can offer. Seriously, get off your phone or computer or tablet or whatever, head outside, and enjoy this beautiful anomaly while it lasts!
