I’ve been 6 feet and 7 inches for seemingly an eternity. Here’s 13 phenomena only other vertically gifted people will relate to:
1. People always insist you've grown...even though you saw them a week ago
I’m not sure you know how biology works. Growth can happen fast but not that fast, sweetheart.
2. You hit your head on everything
I can’t count the number of times I’ve had mini heart attacks from walking into tree branches while looking at my phone or nearly collapsed from unexpectedly hitting my head on a door hinge.
3. People greet you be saying “you’re tall”
And you, sir or madam, are very observant. I’ve been taller than average for the past five years or so and I still don’t know what to say to this aside from an awkward “yeah”.
4. You can never find clothing in your size
In my case, I’m tall and slim, so I have to wear XL or XXL shirts that have great length but way too much width. If I do wear a shirt that's the proper width, it looks like a crop top. Don’t even get me started on pants or shoes. Nothing like a pair of 34x36 jeans from Amazon. It’s not like I can find them in any brick-and-mortar stores.
5. People inevitably ask you how tall you are… then doubt you when you answer them
6. When you trip, people actually wonder if you survived the fall
Freshman year of high school I face-planted in the middle of the cafeteria and the sound of me hitting the floor ground the cafeteria to a halt. I was fine but like a dozen people asked me if I was okay. My friends still call me Timber. When you’re up here, the ground isn’t always in your line of sight.
7. People never fail to make bad jokes about height
The weather up here is legitimately warmer because heat rises but seriously, you can’t do any better than that?
8. Any type of public or commercial transportation can be incredibly painful
Don’t get me started on international flights. I will fight you for the aisle seat. At least one of my legs will not be crushed by the seat in front of me. At least I always get shotgun if the car is crowded. The alternative is the agony of being crushed in the backseat.
9. People regularly ask you if you can reach/touch “that” … then make fun of you for showing off when you do
Not gonna lie, sometimes I do touch high bars and ceilings just to show off. What’s being tall if you can’t have a little fun?
10. Your friends have to do a lite jog to keep up with your walking pace
Regularly will I just be walking and talking then turn to my average height or shorter friends and just be like “why are you out of breath?”
11. People say you give the best hugs
What can I say? They’re all-consuming and warm despite the coldness of my heart.
12. You have to watch out for small children and animals
I once kneed a small child in the face because I was looking forward rather than down. I think he was ok? He may have started crying, I really don’t remember. And then the other day I (unforgivably) walked into a small dog. She has black fur and was in the shadows! I couldn’t see her! I apologized profusely but as I’m sure you know, there exists a language barrier between humans and Canine Americans.
13. People consistently ask you if you play basketball
In my case, the answer is “No, do you play mini-golf?”
