When Your Boyfriend Is Ready For A Relationship And You're Not
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An Apology To The Guys Who Were Ready To Give Me The World, It Really Was Me

In simple words, I'm sorry that I wasn't ready when you were.

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An Apology To The Guys Who Were Ready To Give Me The World, It Really Was Me
Hannah Blanton

Disclosure — I'm usually the person in any relationship that's the first one ready. I'm the one who is usually ready to make things official and to make it work, regardless of what that might take. So, when you were ready to give me the world and I had the gut-wrenching feeling of not being ready, it threw me for a loop. A loop that I didn't know how to get out of or handle. And usually, when I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I tend to do one thing — push the people who care about me the most, away. And that's what I did to you.

So, despite you giving me the world in the few short months of us knowing each other, I just wasn't ready and for that, I'm sorry.

Boy #1

You were the first guy outside from my high school that I was interested in so when you asked me out, I was head over heels. We had tons of things in common — from our interests in sports to our history of health issues. Given our many interests and similar histories, we always had something different to talk about. You made me laugh at work and you made the time go by.

So far, I'm sure the girls who are reading this are thinking, "Well, what's the catch?"

The catch, in simple terms, was me. I have this tendency to ruin a good thing once it gets going and that's exactly what I did.

You took me everywhere I could imagine in our small little town. You drove to BFE to pick me up for our dates, you met my mom...you were the perfect gentleman.

You taught me how to shoot pool and led me to believe that I was actually decent at it. Come to find out once I got to college, I realized that you were just being nice.

But then Thanksgiving rolled around and you wanted me to come over for Thanksgiving dinner with you and your family.

And that's when it happened, my red flag went up and I started to snowball.

I quickly began putting distance between us and despite your attempts to figure out what was wrong with me, you couldn't. That's not to say you didn't try like a soldier at war because you were relentless but I ruined it because I mistook you caring about me for being too clingy.

And once I could put a reason to why I wanted the distance from you, everything unraveled.

You tried your best to keep me happy and you would offer to give me space and I just blew you off. I stopped texting you back and returning your phone calls. In the end, I told you that,"I just wasn't that into you."

That was a lie. I really was into you but I got scared about meeting your family so I blew you off.

And I know that tore you up and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I got scared and ran off like a puppy with its' tail between its' legs. But that's in the past and I can't change that now.

But one thing you deserve to know is the truth and that is that it really wasn't you at all, rather, it was all me.

Boy # 2

You were supposed to just be a fling that happened before I left our hometown but I ended up falling head over heels for you. When we spent our first day together at the park and I saw that twinkle in your eyes when you smiled, I knew I was in trouble.

But, I convinced myself that I wouldn't fall for you and that we would just have fun. Well, let's just say, only part of that statement was true.

The summer with you was one I won't ever forget and I think that's because I knew you wanted me for the long-run. I could tell by the way people would talk about us as if we were soul mates and by the way I would catch you looking at me. The look that would always make me melt.

But in reality, I won't forget that summer because it was the first time I ever saw my life ending with someone like you.

And that's what terrified me and what, eventually, scared me off. I never relied on a guy in my entire life and during those short three months, I began relying on you.

You made me laugh. Simply looking at you would make me smile and that was a first for me. No guy had ever made me such a giggly mess. You taught me more about music genres than I can remember and you used to quiz me on the artists as they played while we ate dinner.

But in all honesty, the thing that made me realize that you were different was because you made the time go by fast. People say that when you spend time with someone that you love, time speeds up so that it feels like you haven't spent any time with them at all. And that was the case with you — I could spend a whole day with you and then it would get dark out and it would be over. Just like that.

So, why was there a problem? Why did it end? Well, in simple words, because of me.

I was getting ready to move to college and I realized that you were staying home.

The fact that you would be staying home and living your life made me hesitant about my lifelong dreams of going to my dream school.

So, after the first month of being away from you, I realized that I wanted nothing more than to just be with you. But what did I do? The exact opposite. I made up little white lies that pushed you far enough away that you were eventually out of my reach.

So when we had our last conversation and decided to end it because "I was too much into the party scene", I choked back tears so you wouldn't be able to hear my voice shaking.

I pushed you away because you made me question every standard and goal that I had ever had in my life before I fell in love with that twinkle in those brown eyes.

And even though you were prepared to give me the world and work out the distance, I didn't want that compromise. I wanted all of you or none of you and I chose the one that broke both of our hearts.

You deserve to know that the ending of our journey together wasn't your fault at all, it was completely and utterly mine.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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