As a kid, we think of lost and found as the lost and found bin at school — the bin that has lost jackets, backpacks, cups, and other miscellaneous items. Often, the owner will realize they have lost their belonging, check the lost and found bin, and it gets returned. The kid once again becomes happy and moves on with their life. As one ages, there are bigger things to worry about than broken crayons and lost jackets. Broken crayons turn into broken hearts and lost jackets turn into losing yourself.

Anyone who’s been in a relationship knows that when it’s time for the relationship to end, it’s hard. Hearts are broken, questions are left unanswered, and you are just kind of stuck. What happens when you’re not sure if the relationship is over? What happens when you think the relationship is over and once you’ve accepted that it’s over, it turns out that the relationship is back on? What happens when you don’t accept that it’s over and then it is over? For ten months, I lived on this emotional roller coaster. I wasn’t sure if I was in a relationship or not. I wasn’t sure if we were friends or not. After the first three months, I was off the roller coaster but I turned into a broken record. All I did was wake up, go to class, go back to my dorm, go to committee meetings and club organizations, and go back to my dorm. Then I repeated it over and over and over. I would physically be in a place but I didn’t know what was going on. I can’t tell you what I learned in class. I can’t tell you what happened in meetings. Mentally, I wasn’t there. I could smile but it wasn't me smiling and laughing. It was something tugging at the corners of my mouth telling me that I needed to smile and laugh now. A new year began and things seemed to be looking up. I was recovering, but somehow I managed to get back on the roller coaster. Things were good and seemed to be finally coming together. It seemed like the universe was ready to calm down but it didn’t. It only became bumpier and for two months the roller coaster broke down and I was stuck hanging upside down and I knew at any moment my lap bar would unlatch and I would fall. Fortunately, the ride resumed but I was tired of this ride and on June 9th, 2016, I turned in my season pass to the rollercoaster. Sadly, though, I had already been irreversibly injured.

I had lost. I lost him. I lost my morals and values. I lost my spirit and smile. I lost my voice. I lost sticking up for myself. I would wait for the ride to resume. I was scared to say how I felt or to ask questions because I didn’t want to lose him or upset him. I agreed to like things even if I wasn’t sure. I lost friends because they couldn’t stand to see me continue to get hurt. I lost trust. I lost the promises that I had made to myself. Above all, I lost myself. I could not look in the mirror and tell you who I was or what I stood for. All I could say was, “Even though the bad outweighed the good, the good was worth it. I was happy and things were perfect and the world was at peace.” I had become a lost soul that was paralyzed with fear.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know who I was. I was lost.

On June 11th, I found something. I found a song. A song that summed up everything. From that day I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that this summer would be about me. For my whole life I’ve put everyone before me, but for once, it was time to put myself first. I didn’t know who I was. So I learned. I learned things about myself that I never knew. I accepted something that I tried to deny for years because I thought it was just a saying. I came to finally face a mistake that I made in October. I found out more about what I stand for in politics. I found out who my real friends were. I found a smile. I found adventure. I found that I could push myself and it be okay. I found out that there’s a lot of decisions I can make on my own. I found my voice. I found a love for learning. I learned that every moment is precious because you never know when you’re going to lose someone. I learned that memories are everything. I learned about my family history. I learned to respect myself. I learned to treat my body nice. I learned what my biggest fears were. I learned about my mixed heritage. I learned to forgive myself. I learned to forgive him. I learned to love myself.

The worst part about losing him was losing myself.

Even though I lost him, I found myself and this was everything.

I don’t know if you know who you really are until you lose yourself.

Each day I’m a step closer to knowing who I am.

In the darkness I created my own light.

I was lost but I’m now found.

I was my own hero.

So if you are lost, you can be your own hero and find your way out of the darkness. Just take it one day at a time and fight with every ounce of strength that you have. You will make your way back to the light!