I love the cold. I love shivering and bundling up. I dread weather above 50 degrees because it means no more sweaters and no more excuses for not going outside. I'm my happiest walking in 30 degrees weather with my jacket open clutching an iced coffee in the snow. That being said, I have developed and mastered the best ways to stay warm for all you weaklings out there.
1. Wear 16.5 layers
I'm talking an undershirt, a t-shirt, a long-sleeve, a thermal, a sweatshirt, scarf, three pairs of gloves, two pairs of pants (and underwear) and at least two hats, one for style and the other for warmth. If you don't look like the Michelin Man from "Ghostbusters," you're not doing it right.
2. Roll yourself up like a burrito in your blankets
I personally cannot sleep with socks on despite the possibility of frostbite on my toes. I will not be able to knock out until my feet have full freedom. The only way I have found to counteract this, is to completely become one with the blankets as a living burrito. Not only will it prevent you from sleepwalking, you never have to leave your bed again.
3. Drink hot chocolate like it's water
Who needs H2O anyway? You've gotta make that good stuff, actual milk and whipped cream. Now just drink about a mug every couple of hours and you will no longer be filled with hatred of the cold, but instead the warm deliciousness of the 200 or so calories you just inhaled. There's also tea, but that was dumped in the harbor for a reason.
4. Snuggle with your "person"
I put "person" in quotations because for me it is forcing my cat to stay with me or shoving my feet under all 65 pounds of my dog when I'm lying in bed. If you have an actual human, that may work, but I prefer watching "Avengers" for the fifth time with my cat and half a bag of Doritos.
5. FUZZY SOCKS
Even though they may gather up all the dog hair you have ignored since the holidays, wear them. they cover everything from your toes to ankles in a wonderful fur like coating that just make sense. They will leave you ready to dance on the hardwood floor and fight the post-holiday blues.
6. Exercise, sorry kids
I think this one is the hardest to hear, but going for a nice run or doing some squats at the gym are really good ways to keep yourself warm. Plus the more you work out the more hot showers you get to take.
7. When all else fails, just don't go outside
It's as simple as that. Why leave your cat and your bed for the brave adventures of being amongst people and socializing?