I've been trying to improve myself lately. In my writing, my work ethic, my temperament, my relationships. And I've seen progress. I've tightened my sentences, I've put my nose to the grindstone, I've calmed myself at times, and I've opened myself to those I wish to be close with. But there are times I fail. There are times I write sentences with one too many commas. There are times I lay back and watch crime documentaries instead of completing assignments. There are times I allow my rage to take over and seep out of me. And there are times I hurt those I never meant to hurt. A sort of guilt creeps into me when I find my sentences becoming run-ons, when I realize the responsibilities I've neglected, when I see my anger becoming me, when I see the pain I've caused. And though I am sorry for everything, I do not intend to wallow in my mistakes. I am trying to face them, know them for what they are, learn from them, and move past them. I do not want them to become who I am, I will resist their invasion of my being. I fear I will remain far too long and miss other opportunities to make mistakes. I will not let my kingdom be lost all for the want of a nail.

I find it equally important to understand that mistakes are vital for growth. This banal idea has been repeated to the point of exhaustion, but I believe it bears repeating. By no means am I arguing for the complete disregard of one's failures, in fact, I believe many people would benefit from an increased awareness of their own failings. It is far too easy to fall into a state of impenetrable hubris where one's mistakes are blamed on anything but one's self, therefore causing a bypass of any sort of self-analyzation and growth, but the opposite is true as well. Perhaps it depends on one's predisposition, but I have found it quite easy to fall into the rut of self-hatred and over-blaming that comes with making mistakes. There is a middle ground somewhere between these two extremes that I believe provides the largest net positive result. Somewhere that allows a person to acknowledge shortcomings, accept them as their own, and, after sufficient introspection and consideration, move past them. There is no need to be bogged down by blunders to the point of paralysis, but there is certainly a need to recognize those blunders and begin to work through them.

I've been told to write vulnerably. I've been told to put more of myself into my writing. That's what makes it good I guess. After all, I'm no authority on any of these huge ideas, just the ways those ideas have affected me. So, any postulating I've done earlier in this article should be taken with a grain of salt. But it's hard to discuss failings–they've always felt so personal. I've always felt so ashamed to admit my faults knowing full well no one would judge me as harshly as I judge myself. And I think that repression has restricted my growth for a long while. My hesitation to share in my failures has not allowed me to fully understand them; they remain as raw and unprocessed as the moments when they entered my life. So, for the sake of my growth and sanity, from here on out, that's what Ill try to do. I'll try to share the stupid mistakes I make on a daily basis. I'll try to recognize that my issues aren't nearly as important as I make them out to be. I'll try to recognize that I am not my failure. I'll try to recognize mistakes for what they are: byproducts of my imperfect nature, a nature I have no power in changing. I'll try to stop getting hung up on the inconsequential and try to focus on what really matters. I will not let my kingdom be lost all for the want of a nail.