I was talking a selfie on Snapchat earlier this week and someone told me that if you take a lot of pictures of yourself you are vain. That really upset me for a minute, I thought that I was a pretty decent human for considering others before myself. Then I thought about it even harder and decided with excitement, yes I am vain. And you know what? I honestly love taking pictures of myself and I love the person I am. Just because another person feels insecure with themselves to point out my characteristics does not mean I will change myself to appease them. They do not understand that it took me over 17 years to finally love myself and be content with who I am.
Growing up I was bullied for my weight and the way I looked. I was not considered pretty because I was not developed and I was called ugly a lot. I remember going to this concert and this guy I went to elementary school with stopped me and said, “Wow! What happened to you?! You used to be ugly and you are so pretty!” That statement left me dumbstruck. Who the hell is he to tell me that crap? It infuriated me beyond belief! I was bullied around for most of my life through guys and through people like that, who made me feel bad about my past. It disgusts me that people have such a negative influence in the lives of others. I would let guys use me until they got bored and moved on to the next pretty girl, then run back to them when they wanted to use me again. I allowed girls to push me around and tell me I was not pretty, just to make themselves feel better. It was a vicious cycle that almost ruined my life. I stopped eating, I over exercised, I began to give up until I realized that I am the writer of my own story and I need to change for me and only me.
People tell me that I have an attitude, well you would too if you let people run you over and you finally realize that you did not have to put up with that anymore. My attitude is my protector; it will stop people from hurting me. I am sorry if it offends you, but then again I am usually nice to you until you show me why I shouldn’t be. This attitude emerged from the hurt that people have so graciously bestowed to me. I love my attitude though, because it will keep people aware that if you mess with me I will show you why you shouldn’t. I’m not all “attitude”; I am a person who would take a bullet for a complete stranger because I believe that their life is more important than mine.
I changed. I changed from this weak little girl who let people’s opinions of her rule her life to this woman who does not let society walk over her. I changed my lifestyle, I left the friends who told me I wasn’t good enough, I left the opinions of me at the door. I can’t change the way you think of me and I honestly don’t care. I will run my life the way I want to, take it or leave it.
People think it is wrong to love yourself. They consider it vain and selfish. I would not consider it vain, I would consider it self-love. I can finally look in the mirror and say, "I love you". It took me over 17 years and I will not stop loving myself to make you feel better about yourself. I have been through trials and tribulations to get to this point in my life. I wish that more people in this world realize that it is okay to love yourself and that you should. After all, you are going to be you for the rest of your life.
