Growing up when you are very different from those around you is never very easy.

I remember being in elementary school when I first noticed "flaws" for the first time. I noticed how my peers were much thinner than me, how they would wear nicer outfits than me, and had long pretty hair and soft faces that didn't need makeup. Meanwhile, I was one of the tallest in my class, one of the heaviest, one of the most awkward, and had very short and wild hair. Often I would try to combat this with bright blue eye makeup and even brighter sparkling and mismatched outfits. The awkward phase was not easy on me.

It was later when I entered middle school when I just added more to the list of characteristics that I would kill to change. I liked different stores, listened to much different music, and styled my hair completely contrasting those my age. I felt like a monster of a person. Although it was around this time I noticed that I had a harder time socializing and interacting with those who were the same age as me, I would want to talk about forms of music, books, art, and tell heaps of corny jokes and puns. To my dismay, many of my peers would look at me inquisitively not entirely comprehending my motives to attempt conversation in this manner. Then I would feel very embarrassed about things I would say, even if they were not conventionally "embarrassing". Over time I grew to become fearful of even the smallest interactions with those my own age. I stopped going to birthday parties and sleepovers, and would only socialize with a few people who were always older than me. Around this age, I found out I am more comfortable around adults, or at least people much older than me.

Then when I entered high school I tried to change it all. I wanted to redeem myself so these next four years would be more bearable. I spent lots of time curling my hair every morning, putting on a full face of makeup, spending too much money on new clothes, all to impress people who I would never see again after these four years. It consumed my life. I grew so miserable trying to trudge through each day and I was so immensely despondent with each time I got ready for school and only getting worse.

I am just now entering my junior year, and if there is one message I want to give to anyone else who has ever gone through the same thing, is going through the same thing, or is in that sick sad state of being someone who they are not a message of assurance.

The best person you can be is you.

I read and watched stories about people who struggle with who they are as a person. I tried to apply their lessons and attitudes to help overcome my struggles. I have learned my healthiest and happiest self can only be found when I am not concerned about what those around me think, and learning to love something and working hard at it. By forcing myself into situations that make me feel empty and panicked I was only hating myself and driving myself further into a hole that I couldn't climb out of. Those who love me for who I am will always love me for who I am. My family will never think less of me, my true friends will be unchanging, and I will make new friends to replace the old friends who only liked what I tried to be.

I look around me now and I am so happy and so thankful for my friends, but most importantly I have people who have gone through the same predicaments and don't even notice my flaws. I also found my passions, and I'm so excited to pursue them in the future.

But I just want to tell anyone who struggles with who they are, it will be okay. There is an immense and beautiful world out there, and there are seven billion people in it. It is full of millions of cultures, stories, and personalities. So what will it benefit you to change for people who are temporary?

Please, dress how you want, make outrageous jokes, enjoy weird things, listen to music that makes you happy, surround yourself with people who you love, and enjoy doing activities purely for the purpose of enjoying them. Learn to love who you are for who you are wholly and authentically for who you are. It is okay to be different, it is okay to have an ugly laugh, or like things no one else does, or dress like how you want, it is okay to love and be emotional, because it is things like this that keep us human.