The art of day drinking is a skill one acquires only through practice. In the famous words of Jimmy Tatro, “someone once told me, it’s a marathon, not a sprint… well, I sprint marathons.” Although Tatro is known as one of the most knowledgeable frat men on YouTube, he didn’t take into account one of the biggest marathons known to the Big Ten schools – Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day at the University of Illinois.Word to the wise: if you sprint this marathon, you lose. People with the quickest times for this marathon are the failures who couldn’t go the extra mile because they just weren’t mentally or physically prepared to play with the big dogs here in Urbana-Champaign. So take a gander at what it takes to be a true champion among the drinking Illini. 5 to 6 a.m. If you want to start your Unofficial off right, the great ones wake up at the crack of dawn to squeeze in that extra preparation time for the many miles of the drinking day ahead of them.

6:27 a.m. Do some pushups, jumping jacks or whatever you have to do to get the blood flowing to your drinking hands. Proper warm up for Unofficial is crucial to keeping a steady pace throughout the day.

7 a.m. It’s go time. Some of your competitors are already double fisting beers and mimosas, which means you have to be on your A game right off the bat. So throw some elbows to get to the beer source, take a deep breath, pop open that tab and let the games begin.

7:15 a.m. Some of you may be at breakfast themed parties at this time, such as kegs and eggs, beers and pancakes, green eggs and beer, etc. It’s always good to have a hearty breakfast before you start day drinking, but the key word here is “before.” If you’re positive you can mix an omelet with beer, then by all means chow down. But if you’re like most of humanity who gag at even the thought of mixing eggs and beer, just keep your eyes on the prize and keep a steady pace.

8:30 to 10:30 a.m. This time period is known as the peak of Unofficial. The effects of the day are starting to set in and you’re loving every minute of it. The room is packed with a sea of green, the glorious smell of day beer permeates through the room and you’ve probably already won a few beer pong games. Be careful, though, this is the point where some may have sprinted too hard and are already passed out on a nearby couch. Don’t be this person. You can push through and keep on drinking and winning with the steady eye of the tiger.

11 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. If Wagon Wheel hasn’t played by this point, it’s time for the next party. Noon. Congratulations, you’ve made it through half the day! Now it’s time to refill the tank and get some day drinking food. Fat Sandwich, Jimmy John’s or Merry Ann’s are perfect places to hit up when Unofficial marathoners need assistance with their recuperation. Be sure to stay hydrated with some Gatorade and you’ll be ready for the next half of your marathon.

1:30 p.m. You’re a little bit past the halfway mark and exhaustion is starting to set in. This is the point where either champions or weaklings are made. Those who have gone down in history never resort to taking a “power nap” because those that do never awaken until the marathon is over.

2 p.m. to 4 p.m. If you’re still standing at this point, the parties have probably died down and beer may be running scarce. The great ones always have an emergency source stashed away for moments like these, so be sure to stock up and have your koozies ready at all times.

5 p.m. to 8 p.m. This is the period when the campus transforms into a ghost town. It’s been a long, long marathon for the drinking Illini and legends have been made. Another round of food will definitely be needed for the fearless leaders who choose to carry on their drinking journey. So if you dare to keep venturing, stock up on greasy carbs and fluids and your body will thank you.

8:30 p.m. If you’re still in the game at this point, you are one of the great ones. You survived this year’s Unofficial and you will forever go down in history as one of the few who can say they crossed the finish line of the Unofficial marathon with one of best times.
Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/wwarby/